“I told him I wasn’t ready for that, to come out. But he wanted to tell his parents anyway. The results were a lot of tears, hugs, and understanding. I f**king hate understanding, hugging, tearful families. Bring on the dysfunctional freaks.” He smiled, but I saw behind it and listened to the pain in his next words.

“He got kicked out of Bible study because a few people in the church found out. His parents found a new church. Then I broke up with him. Because it scared me—loving him—and I didn’t want to lose my mom. I love him so much that every breath I take reminds me of him. So sometimes I hold my breath. I try to make it stop. I try to make myself not be this way.” His sobs grew heavier. His sorrow only deepened. “I want this shit to stop.”

“Ryan…” I cried, feeling completely helpless. Taking the alcohol and shot glass away from him, I handed it to a random person walking by. They took it without question.

Ryan sat up a bit and turned his head toward me. His fingers ran through my hair and his blue eyes keep crying. He moved in closer to me, pressing his lips against mine, wrapping his arms around me. I didn’t pull back. Our lips were covered with our salty tears.

“Make it go away, Ashlyn. Fix me,” he whispered, kissing me again and again.

“I can’t fix you, Ryan.” I said. “You’re not broken.”

Ryan cried for a while longer, shaking uncontrollably. I cried, too, because crying alone always felt so depressingly sad.

“We’re going home,” I whispered into my tired friend’s ear.

Ryan chuckled. “What home?! I live in a car!”

I frowned and kissed his forward. He nodded against me and drunkenly stood up. “You stay here. I’m going to get our coats.”

I moved toward Jake’s bedroom and opened the door to find more people making out. Surprise, surprise. I started digging through all the coats piled up on the bed, and when I turned to leave with our coats, I bumped right into Jake. His eyes were bloodshot, his hair was a mess, and I was certain that there were more wet spots on his shirt than dry spots from his spilled beer. But somehow, he still looked friendly as ever.

“Hey! I haven’t seen you all night! I thought you skipped out on yet another awesome Jake Kenn party.” He gave me a sweet smile and nudged me in the arm.

I tried my best to look happy. “Yeah. It’s been great! But I gotta get Ryan home…” What home? “Thanks for having us.”

“There’s nothing I can do to get you to like me, huh?” Jake blurted out. Terrible timing. He must have seen the look of shock in my eyes. “Sorry. I’m drunk and stoned off of my ass, so I’m a bit forward.”

“Jake, you’re a great friend—” I started, but he laughed.

“But…”

My shoulders rose and fell. “But I kind of loaned my heart out to someone. And he hasn’t really returned it yet.”

He sighed heavily and tossed his hands up in the air. “You can’t help a guy for trying.”

I giggled and kissed him on the cheek. “Goodnight, Jake.”

“He’s not going to give it back, you know. Your heart.” His eyes fell to the floor. “Because when a guy gets a heart like yours, he keeps that shit forever.”

Forever.

What a terrifying word.

I walked out of the bedroom to see someone I’d wished to never see again. “Jace,” I whispered to myself, seeing Daniel’s brother standing with a group of kids, holding out a bag of pills. For every pill he handed out, he took one for himself.

My head grew dizzy. My face was hot.

His head rose in my direction, and our eyes locked. My heart tightened and I turned away, hurrying toward Ryan. I tossed his arms into his coat in a rush. “Time to go. Now.”

I might have been crazy, but I didn’t care. Ryan needed a place to stay. We sat in the car outside Daniel’s house. He hadn’t come home yet, but I figured he should have been pulling up soon. His show should’ve ended a while ago.

Ryan lay back in the passenger’s seat. “So, you and Mr. Daniels are…”

“Were.” I sighed.

“And the hickey was from…”

“Him.” I sighed again.

“And he broke up with…”

“Me.”

This time Ryan sighed. “What a f**king crazy ass**le. Has he seen your boobs?!”

I smirked at his comment.

Daniel’s Jeep pulled up to the house and his headlights shone on the car. I hopped out to make sure he saw that it was me. His car came to a quick stop and he jumped out, rushing to my side.

“Ashlyn, what…what’s wrong? Are you okay?” He saw my puffy eyes and his fingers touched them. I shivered from his touch. He wrapped his arms around me as if we’d never broken up in the first place. “Are you hurt?”

I shook my head. “I…I need your help.” Ryan climbed out of the passenger’s seat of the car and I felt Daniel’s fear through his hold against me. He swayed in a sudden grip of anger.

“Ashlyn, what did you do?” His voice was low, panic-filled.

Ryan held his hands up in a surrendering stance. “Don’t worry, Mr. D. I mean no harm.” He then began to chuckle. “Holy shit, you’re sleeping with our teacher!”

“Ryan!” I hissed, giving him a stern look. He just kept laughing. I turned to Daniel. “He’s drunk.”

“Yeah, you don’t say? Jesus Christ! Are you trying to get us caught?”

“Oh whatever, Daniel. I told one person! You didn’t have a problem telling Randy! So call it even.”

“What are you talking about? How did you know I told Randy?” He narrowed his eyes on me. Those beautiful blue eyes. No. Wait. Don’t look into his eyes. I hated him still.

“It doesn’t matter. It’s not like we’re an us anymore anyway.” I paused. “Can Ryan stay here?”

“What?” he asked, confused at my sudden comment.

I had to admit that I almost smiled at his confusion until I remembered why Ryan needed a place to stay. I filled Daniel in on the situation and watched as his puzzlement slowly transformed to utter disbelief.

“What is he going to do?” he whispered, looking toward Ryan, who was now standing on his porch. I shrugged. “This isn’t fair, Ash…” He blinked his eyes, and when his blues looked into my greens, I wanted to cry. “Because you know I’ll do anything for you.”