And darned if I hadn’t been right. While it had been great to see Claire (I had been a bad friend to more than just Rachel and Danny), the rest of it well and truly sucked a fat one. Jake had found me seconds after my arrival and seemed to take it upon himself to be my party guide. It was like he was my escort at a freaking debutante ball or something. Taking me around to groups of people I could give a shit about talking to. He was so persistent in me having a good time that it bordered on pushy and annoying. But I had grit my teeth and pushed down the urge to tell him to back the hell off. I smiled, I made asinine chit chat. I was the belle of the crappy ball.

Rachel and Danny had been there, which always made things better. And for a moment I thought I had succeeded in salvaging the night. I had convinced my jangled nerves to take a hike and I was actually able to engage in semi-comfortable conversation with people who I hadn’t talked to in months. That’s right, one point for socially competent Maggie Young!

Then Dana ‘I wanted to bang your boyfriend’ Welsh had pissed all over my quite enjoyable parade. That bitch was lying in wait to bring the smack down.

She had sneered at me with Jake’s arm slung around my shoulders. She had tossed her obnoxiously shiny hair over her shoulder and laughed. “Jake, I’d watch out if I were you…I hear crazy is contagious.” Her evil henchman, i.e. “friend” McKenna had giggled beside her like a deranged hyena.

Jake had tensed up and stared at the evil duo. “Excuse me?” he had asked, as though he couldn’t believe what she had just said. But give me a break, as if her rudeness was surprising. Dana had simply shrugged.

“Well, she’s already made one guy want to kill himself.” Dana and McKenna had laughed as though that were the funniest thing ever. I could feel the blood leave my face and I had felt faintly nauseous. As much as I was trying to channel the old Maggie, the one that would have jumped their shit like white on rice, I just couldn’t summon her. So I stood there dumbfounded, my mouth hanging open with the snappy comeback that never came.

Jake had jumped to my defense; which I should have appreciated. But what did I do? Oh yeah, I just walked away. Miss I hate bullies, took off with my tail between my legs. Maybe that was letting the mean girls win but all I had cared about was getting my ass home as quickly as possible.

I looked up from my artistic potato mountains and rolled my eyes. “Sorry, just wasn’t my scene.” I brushed off my friend’s very obvious concern. Daniel frowned and looked as though he wanted to say something else but Rachel cut him off.

“Well, you didn’t miss much. Except for Ray puking all over the kitchen,” Rachel said, shuddering.

“Yuck. Seriously?” I pushed my tray away, and crossed my arms on the table. I watched a little wistfully as Daniel opened up a Snicker’s bar and handed it to Rachel. She took it and gave him a sweet smile in thanks. He ran his fingers up her arm, stopping to brush her hair off of her shoulder. Seeing the way his hand lingered on her skin made my throat close up and my eyes start to burn.

Their absolute love and affection for each other, while totally beautiful and deserved, still had me looking away before I succumbed to my tears. I hated that I couldn’t just be happy for them. But it was really hard seeing such devotion when my life was devoid of anything resembling the contentment they radiated together.

“Yeah, I went over the next day to help him clean up and it was rank. Ray was so hung over that he spent most of the time dry heaving in the sink,” Daniel shared. I pushed my depressing and lonely thoughts out of my head.

“You’re a better friend than me, Danny boy. No way would I help anyone clean up vomit,” I said seriously. Rachel tossed a napkin at me.

“Hey! You wouldn’t help me clean up puke? Really?” she complained. I raised my eyebrow at her at shook my head.

“Is that a surprise? I have my limits,” I told her. My attention was pulled from my friend to watch Paul Delawder amble into the cafeteria.

The school bully closed in on his newest target; a hapless freshman who quickly lost his cell phone and his lunch. I almost got to my feet, ready to take on the nutwad again. But Mr. Kane had for once witnessed the situation and was intervening.

I was flooded with clear memories of that day almost nine months ago, when I had rushed in to save a boy who really didn’t want my help. A boy who ended up needing me to save him so badly that he forgot to save himself. I had let that boy down and now here I was a sad shell of who I had been.

I let out a noisy sigh and I turned my attention back to Rachel and Daniel who wore almost identical looks of worry. I wish I could laugh at them. They were so transparent. They were scared to death I was going to crawl back into that dark hole I had disappeared into after I came back from North Carolina.

But there was no way I would do that. Because I was going to move on, even if my heart rebelled at the idea.

As if on cue, Jake slammed his tray down on the table beside me. I jumped slightly at the sudden intrusion. He slid onto the bench and quickly reached over to take my chocolate chip cookie. I let him, not wanting to engage in a fake protest about it.

I watched Jake out of the corner of my eye as he greeted Rachel and Daniel, who seemed genuinely pleased he was there. And I was overcome with some seriously intense déjà vu. This whole thing was wrong.

Jake was sat in exactly the same spot that had been Clay’s. He was laughing with my friends and taking bits of my lunch in a way that should have been reserved for Clay. I started to feel irrationally angry about that. I didn’t want Jake Fitzsimmons sitting there, in a seat meant for someone else.