Lead Me Not Page 66
“Can you help me?” I asked begrudgingly. I wouldn’t meet her eyes when I conceded defeat. It was too much.
Aubrey didn’t say a word, but I felt her, I smelled her, I could practically taste her on my tongue as she stood in front of me, her fingers carefully buttoning up my shirt. Her hair brushed my face as she bent her head down. I couldn’t help but lean in, my nose brushing the crown of her head as I breathed her in.
She made sure not to touch my bare skin as she hastily did up the buttons. When she was finished, she gripped me by the arms and pushed me back down on the bed.
“Let me get you something to eat,” she said firmly, propping me up against my pillows. I couldn’t remember the last time I had been taken care of. Definitely not since my parents had died.
I had still been young when my mother passed away and my dad stopped caring about himself, let alone his two small sons, after she was gone. And then he had died too, and with him the last person responsible for taking care of me at all.
I had forgotten how it felt to be tended to. To be treated gently.
It had been a long time since anyone had done anything for me. I didn’t know what to do with the unexpected feelings Aubrey’s innocent offer to make me food created inside me. She made me feel cared for. Wanted. The blossoming of emotion in my chest suffocated me with a violent awareness. This woman could change everything.
“I’m not hungry,” I lied, trying to swallow the thick lump in my throat.
Aubrey ignored me and left me alone with my out-of-control emotions and aching body, lost in a minefield of feeling that was ready to detonate in the worst way possible.
I had too many questions and zero answers. If the state of my room was any indication, things had gotten ugly. I only hoped it had happened before Aubrey had arrived on the scene.
And what the hell was she doing here at all? That was the question I was having the hardest time wrapping my head around.
I reached over to my bedside table, searching for my tried-and-true fix to any problem. I pulled out the drawer and realized that it was empty.
“Shit,” I groaned, pulling myself off the bed, ignoring my protesting muscles as I fell to my knees to search for the bottle that was always there.
“Looking for something?”
I sat up so quickly that I felt light-headed. Aubrey put a bowl of soup down on the same bedside table I had been ransacking before squatting down beside me. I sat back on my haunches and put my hands through my hair.
“No, I was just . . .” I didn’t have an explanation and f**k it, she didn’t need one. This was my home. My room. My business.
Aubrey pulled something out of her pocket and held it up.
“What the hell?” I growled, reaching out with a trembling hand for the bottle she held.
Aubrey got to her feet, still holding my salvation between her fingers without a care for what that small brown bottle meant to me. Right now, it was everything, more than the girl who dangled it in front of me like a f**king carrot.
Was she taunting me? I saw red.
“Give it to me, now!” I demanded, advancing on her. I forgot about how shitty I felt. Adrenaline coursed through my system as I focused on getting the bottle away from her.
Aubrey looked unsure. In fact, she looked scared. I didn’t blame her. I could imagine what I looked like stalking toward her, ready to wrench the bottle from her fingers, viciously if necessary. I didn’t give a shit if I had to snap each one of those pretty little digits, I’d get what my body needed.
“Now, Aubrey,” I whispered, my voice shaking with anger. Aubrey’s lips trembled, and I could see she was trying not to cry. I didn’t care. There was only one thing I cared about right now.
She held the bottle out to me and hurriedly crossed the room to the door. I snatched it up and shook it. It was deafeningly silent. I ripped the top off and turned it upside down.
Empty.
“Where are they?” I roared. My rage was white-hot. Aubrey was shaking. But she didn’t leave the room. She didn’t run from me. She faced me on unsteady feet.
“They’re all gone, Maxx,” she said quietly.
No, I couldn’t have heard her right.
“That’s not possible,” I bit out, throwing the bottle across the room.
Aubrey shook her head, her hair flying around her face. “I swear, they’re gone. There’s nothing left,” she said.
I clenched my fists. I was going to f**king lose it.
And then Aubrey did the strangest thing. She walked back toward me and grabbed my face between her hands.
I tried to wrench myself away from her confining grip. I took hold of her wrists and squeezed them hard enough to crunch bone. Just then, I hated her. I wanted her to hurt the way I hurt.
Yet . . . I wanted her . . .
“Maxx, you don’t need that stuff,” she told me, with such confidence that if I were in my right mind, I would have believed her.
I yanked her hands off my face, still squeezing her wrists. “Don’t tell me what the f**k I need!” I yelled.
Then she kissed me. That crazy, delusional girl kissed me.
As if that would make me forget what it was I wanted.
As if she could ever replace what my body craved.
I pulled my mouth back from hers, infuriated. Enraged. She was breathing heavily, her eyes glassy with tears.
“Please, Maxx. Don’t do it. Be here. With me,” she begged. And then she was kissing me again, and she was telling me “I won’t leave you. I won’t ever leave you.”