Ben laughed, kissing Erin’s thigh. “I love how single-minded you are. Let’s go get your ice cream then.”

Chapter Six

Erin stretched, content to listen to the sound of the water. Ben was to her left, face down, one arm flung over her belly. Todd was to her right, his hand on her hip. She smiled to herself. This was her morning just about every day. Minus the private island resort thing. But it was her family, these men bracketing her body. Keeping her safe, body and spirit.

“I’m starving.” Ben said this, his face still muffled by the pillow. He tightened his hold, pulling her close. “Let’s go to breakfast.”

She was fine puttering around the bure with a cup of coffee and some fruit, but Ben and Todd loved breakfast out and they’d passed that love on to Alexander. At least once a week back home they headed to one of their favorite places, nice and early usually, so wherever it was wasn’t crowded. She knew they did that for her, but it was also nice to not worry if Alexander made more noise than usual. A toddler at a restaurant was always a gamble, so the less crowded the better.

Todd rolled over to his side, kissing her soundly and then leaning over to do the same to Ben. “Pancakes. Maybe some of that sausage you had yesterday.”

Ben snickered.

“Ha. Not that sausage, the kind you ate for breakfast. Though you can have more of the other kind later as well.”

“You two are so filthy. Really.” She sniffed but ruined the effect by laughing.

So not ten minutes later they found themselves on the path to the main building at the resort. They’d had a few meals there already, sitting out on a patio that overlooked the ocean.

She didn’t bother with makeup or anything more serious to wear but a bikini with a cover-up. The freedom of that was luxurious.

After they got seated she remembered her phone. “I should call and check in.” The trip had been marvelous. So good for the three of them, but she sure missed Alexander.

Ben laughed, rolling his eyes. “I’d pretend like you were worrying too much, but truth be told, I miss him too.”

She loved how they were with their son. These big, tough men turned into total marshmallows for that boy. He’d grow up always knowing he was cherished. It pleased her immensely.

When she turned the phone on her smile fell away as she saw the date and realized. Remembered.

Cold dread filled her, closely followed by the shame and guilt.

“Erin?” Todd leaned forward, touching her wrist. “Honey?”

She swallowed back bile. “It’s June sixteenth.” She was suddenly so very cold as nausea gripped her.

Todd’s concern faded into grief. “Baby . . .” He reached for her.

She got to shaky feet, her chair nearly falling as she did.

“I . . .” Tears blurred her vision as guilt gripped her guts. How could she have forgotten?

Both men stood. Todd took her hands but she pulled them back. Not here. Not now.

“I forgot. My god . . .” She thrust her phone at Ben. “Call your son.” And then started to walk away. She needed . . . she needed her baby back, that’s what she needed. But she couldn’t have that. There would never be that ever again.

Adele would have been in school by now had she still been alive. Like Rennie, she would have been full of love and questions, laughter and song. But in Erin’s memories she’d frozen as a toddler not much older than Alexander was now. She’d never have kindergarten art on the fridge.

Erin had forgotten that. Forgotten about that child she had brought into the world. Adele had come before Ben and Todd. When she’d had another life.

And years later she’d moved on with a new child, and in doing so had turned her back on her firstborn. She was a horrible mother and a horrible human being.

She only wished she could be numb. Instead, memory was like a tornado of broken glass in her gut. If she’d already eaten she might have thrown up. But there was only emptiness.

In the background she heard the server ask after her and Ben’s low rumble of reassurance.

Shaky legs took her away as she held on enough not to go to her knees and howl. Instead she kept moving, kept retreating on the path they’d happily just walked in on.

Todd caught up to her first.

“Damn it, Erin. Wait.”

“I want to be alone right now.” It was a strange sort of challenge to get the words out. Like someone else spoke them.

He continued to walk with her until they got well away from the other buildings, and then he tried to guide her to one of the many benches littering the area. But she resisted.

“Don’t handle me.” Her voice was petulant, even to her own ears.

“I’m not handling you.” Todd kept his voice level, soothing even.

For whatever reason, his calm only made things worse. “Yes, you are.” Tears were coming, they bled into her voice, blurred her vision. She shoved her sunglasses back into place.

“Don’t do this. Baby, stop. Talk to me.”

“About what? About how I’m here cavorting in the sun and sand and how I totally forgot it was the anniversary of Adele’s murder? Huh? Some f**king mother I am.” She shoved her hands through her hair before wringing them for something to do.

“You know that’s not true. Stop hurting yourself this way.” Todd’s calm got sharper.

Ben approached, and she saw the look on his face. She didn’t deserve pity or comfort. “Please, I can’t take this right now. Leave me alone.”