“And how are you going to get that?”

Marla turned to Hardman and motioned to the car. Hardman opened the door and took out a case. He opened it and showed me a classy men’s watch. I stared dumbfounded at the two.

“What’s that going to do?” I asked.

“It’s got a built in recording device,” Marla answered, pulling the watch out of the case. “You press the two o’clock button two times to start it, and it records for six hours. When you know he’s on his way, you press the button and you give us the time and place so we can intercept the money and arrest Costigan. By then we’ll have the interaction recorded as proof of intent, and the evidence will be the money.”

I stood nervously, playing her words through in my head. “Can I give him the watch on Christmas day?”

“No, we have reason to believe it’s going to happen very soon. You must do it as soon as possible. See him today. Make sure things are good, and keep an ear out because we’re inches to the finish line.”

I rubbed my face and exhaled. “I want to see the footage. When this is all said and done, I want to see it.” I want to see it so I can put this whole mess behind me and never turn back again.

I felt a small hand on my shoulder. She squeezed it gently and said, “Claire, you’re incredibly strong, and you can do this. We’ll show you whatever you want. We’re here for you. Okay?”

I nodded, sniffing back the tears.

They placed the watch case in my car and repeated their instructions a few more times before they got into their car and took off. I dragged myself into mine and sat in the empty parking lot for what seemed like hours.

Their words numbed me.

Footage. They had footage of him talking to…

I slammed my hands against the steering wheel and screamed at the top of my lungs.

Then I grabbed the watch case and stared down at it with fire in my heart.

I was going to ruin him.

*****

Feeling strangely at ease by the time I made it home, I found Emily on the porch, decorating the railing and door with green and red tinsel. Miles was helping out, chatting up a storm while she crept away from him every time he got too close.

She looked relieved when she saw me. “Hey you!” she smiled.

No sign of my previous breakdown, I smiled back. “Hey to you too. You’re doing Mom’s job really well. I wouldn’t have decorated.”

“Well, we’re not all boring like you,” she said.

Miles laughed… a little too hard. “Funny.”

I watched her for a few minutes. “You know, I know I’ve been here for like ten years, but it’s still weird seeing Christmas in summer.”

“That’s the only kind of Christmas I know,” she replied. “Maybe we should see a white Christmas next year or something.”

“Yeah,” I passively said while thinking, if I’m alive by then.

“I’ve always wanted to see a white Christmas,” muttered Miles. We didn’t acknowledge him.

“Your Mom called, by the way,” said Emily. “Says you’ve dropped off the radar and is unimpressed with you.”

I cringed. “Yeah, I’ll call her back now then. See you guys later.”

Once in my room, I called her. After she finished scolding me, we made small chat before I broached her on a subject I’d been meaning to since hell decided to take a shit on my life.

“I want to ask you something,” I said.

“Go on then.”

“If you could go back in time and you knew Dad had lied to you about everything before he got caught, would you have done something to him?”

She paused, taking several seconds to answer. “Like what?”

“I don’t know. Anything.”

“I guess I would have just put him away sooner.”

“Wouldn’t you want him to suffer more?”

She chuckled wryly. “He’s suffering just fine behind bars. The crimes he did were despicable. He hurt a lot of people.”

“And is he hurting enough behind bars, do you think?”

“Well,” she sighed, “it’s not about him hurting, Claire, it’s about who he can’t hurt anymore.”

I nodded, shutting my eyes in understanding. “Yeah. But what about you? Did that kind of revenge make you feel better in the end?”

“No,” she answered honestly. “The happiness revenge offers is fleeting, but your emotions always catch up to you in the end. It broke me. But I had you, and I needed to remember to be strong and independent.”

I reflected on that.

“Claire,” she then said, “why do you ask?”

“No reason,” I lied. “Anyway, how are things going between you and Kevin?”

“Amazing. I’m finally in his good graces after I pulled back on him.”

“That’s very good, Mom.” That made me so happy to hear.

“And how about you and Ben? Is that man still as perfect as when I met him?”

Not wanting there to be a pause big enough to make her question things, I steadfastly replied, “Oh, yeah. Definitely, Mom. He’s… amazing.”

“That’s great. I’m so happy for you, Claire. I had a good feeling about that man. You hold on to him.”

“Yeah.” I’d hold on to him and let go when he was high enough to break.

When I got off the phone with her, I kicked about the house for a few hours. Then I had a quick shower and changed into a white summer dress. I put more make-up on than usual, enough to make my eyes pop out like glowing orbs. Then I carefully put the necklace Ben gifted me around my neck. After I felt and looked good, I pulled out some wrapping paper and messily wrapped the watch case. I placed it in my purse and headed back out.

The sky darkened on my way back to Ben’s place. And while on the road, I pep-talked myself.

“Fuck him,” I said bitterly. “Don’t you dare let him fool you. You have to do this right. You’re strong. You’re a strong woman and you can do this.”

I can and I will.

Chapter Twenty-Four

I trust you

He had a guarded expression when he opened the door to me.

I looked apologetically back at him. The only way this was going to work was by channelling all the good things I felt for him. Lying with the truth, right?

“Can I come in?” I asked him, appearing unsure.

He widened the door and I stepped in. He slammed it shut and I jumped at the force of it. He was still in a shit mood, his face twisting into a frown. I faced him and immediately dived into apology mode.

“Ben, I’m sor –”

“What the hell happened this morning, Claire?” he snapped.

I shrugged. “I don’t really know.”

“You don’t know? You can’t tell me what was going through your goddamn head when you started interrogating me?”

“Maybe I’m PMS’ing?” I didn’t give him an opportunity to respond. “Look, I messed up. After your left, I was alone and had all these thoughts in my head. I felt so insecure and inadequate. You could be with anyone you want, and yet you choose me and…”

He didn’t rescue me with reassurances. He just stood there, waiting for me to continue. I didn’t like his indifference. It worried me.

Be. Honest.

I sighed and said in a harder voice, “I was stupid. It was all my fault. I… I led myself to believe for a minute that I couldn’t trust you. That what we have isn’t real to you. That you never really gave me your heart. It destroyed me and I lashed out at you, and it was wrong.”

The tension in his bones gradually gave out. He relaxed and exhaled long and slow. I watched that anger trickle away, replaced by warmth. He took my hand into his and ran his thumb over my knuckles. His other arm wrapped around me and brought me against his chest. I buried my face into him, suspending my current hate in order to live and breathe all of him in now. I hated the way my body responded to it.

“I’m not going anywhere,” he told me. “I love you, I won’t deceive you, and I will catch you every time you fall. Because I trust you, and I know you’d do the same for me.”

My being split into two. I couldn’t cope when in these moments I felt like he was telling the truth. But the voice inside my head pushed on through, telling me to focus.

He pulled back and I felt his fingers around my neck. I looked down to see him running them over the opal necklace. “I see you opened your present,” he murmured.

I smiled softly at him. “Yes. It’s beautiful.”

“Beautiful on you. I walked up and down the jewellery aisle, looking for something that was perfect for you. I was around three other men doing the same thing, and we were all equally lost.”

“Yeah, well, you knocked me away with this one.”

“It sort of represents you. I saw the green shimmering in the light while it went blue in different angles. Like an opal, there are so many different sides to you, and they’re all equally beautiful.”

I hardened my heart, not allowing his words to find their way in. “That’s really romantic, and that actually reminds me. I got you something too, as a thank you for this.”

His eyes glowed and his brow shot up. “Is that right?”

I nodded. “Sit on the couch.”

I pulled the “gift” out of my purse when he sat down. Standing behind him, I took several deep breaths before I took a seat next to him and held the gift out. I stared at the terribly wrapped box and suppressed the panic that burst through me, making my skin break out in sweat.

Completely oblivious of the havoc raging inside of me, he took it out of my grasp, and it was then I realized that the wheels were now in motion. He eyed me with a radiant smile on his face, remarking jokingly about my wrapping skills before he tore it apart. All the while I stared on with indecision, like this was all a mistake and I needed to take it back. It was getting harder to breathe, harder to think, and harder to keep still when my body was throbbing at this deception.

He looked at the box, turning it over before he pulled off the lid and stared at the watch. He stared at it long and hard with a thoughtful expression.

“Wow,” he finally muttered, “this must have been expensive, beauty.”

It took me longer than normal to answer. When he glanced up at me, I shrugged. “I told you I have a bit of money from my inheritance.”

He raked his eyes over my face, not sparing an inch as he studied me. Then he looked back down at the watch and pulled it out.

“Help me put it on?” he asked.

I took the watch from him and shakily set it over his wrist. Meanwhile, he continued to observe me closely. “You alright?”

I nodded, unable to speak. By some miracle, I managed to strap it on, and when I did, I drew in a deep breath and relaxed into the couch. It felt unusually cold against my flesh. In fact, everything felt cold.

“Thank you, Claire,” he then said, faraway in thought. “It’s the first time I’ve been gifted a watch. You really shouldn’t have.”

Still unable to speak, I offered him a smile.

“Did you have a hard time picking it out too?” He asked, taking my hand in his. “Was it hard for you as it was for me?”

Avoiding his eyes, I cleared my throat and said, “No. It was my first and only choice.”

“Lucky you.”

I looked down at the hand he took with mine and stared at the watch. I felt sick.

“I’m going to the bathroom for a second,” I told him a short while later. I didn’t wait for a response. I stood up and hurried away from him.

I locked myself away in the bathroom gripped the basin with each hand. This was so much harder than it was supposed to be. After everything I’d been told I shouldn’t have been feeling anything for him. Yet watching him wear that watch had split me open. I felt weak and conflicted, and I was still on the verge of rushing back out there and tearing it off.

I took deep breaths, trying to calm myself down. Minutes passed and soon he would be questioning my disappearance. I stood up straight and stared at the mirror. I didn’t like the person staring back at me. Her eyes looked dead, and her confidence had disappeared.

I turned back around and opened the door. I walked quietly back to the lounge when his hushed voice halted me.

“No, we’re not doing it there. I want you at my warehouse in two hours’ time. You meet me there and hand me the key and tell me where the drop off is. We’ll sort the details when I get there. Understood? Good.”

I heard the sound of a phone beep and knew he’d gotten off. I waited a few more moments before I strolled back in. Ben was still seated on the couch, looking down at his watch with a look of melancholy I’d never seen before.

“Hey,” I said, sitting back down next to him.

He didn’t look up at me. “Hey, beauty.”

I took his hand into my own, surprised to see he was a little stiff. “You alright?”

He looked up at me and nodded. “Yeah. Unfortunately I got a call. I have to go and run some errands. Will you be here when I get back?”

I nodded. “Sure.”

He got up and changed into a business suit, taking his time wandering the house as he got ready to go. I recapped the words he said on the phone, knowing this was what Hardman and his partner had been waiting for. Which meant I needed to start that watch.

He’d taken his watch off as he changed into his clothes and left it on the dresser in his bedroom. I nervously took it and pressed the button twice as instructed and placed it back. He joined me moments later, straightening his suit jacket before grabbing the watch.