“If it concerns you, I care.”

They paused at her car once she’d unlocked the door. “He’s in Central America, out in a lot of really far-flung and rural places, so he’ll be thrilled to get magazines, his favorite cookies, that sort of thing.” She snorted. “Do you need a ride?”

“I’m tempted to lie just to get some more time with you, but no, I’m just up the block too.” He slid a knuckle up her throat. “I’ll see you in a few hours then.”

She nodded and fell into the soft kiss he gave her before stepping back to let her into the car.

“Bye.”

Holy smokes. Ella licked her lips as she drove away, not allowing herself a look into the mirror to see him again. She’d get into an accident if she caught sight of those legs, those thick, hard thighs, that butt, oh that butt.

She sighed happily and settled into the seat. She had a date. With Andrew Copeland.

It was that happy thought that guided her to Café Diva to grab some beans. She was dangerously close to being out of coffee. In the old days, as in until that moment, she’d have grabbed some from the back of the café and buy them wholesale.

Erin used to get pissy when she tried to pay, but she’d understood the whys of it and respected Ella’s need to do things that kept her independent and in control of her life.

But it wasn’t the old days. And today would be the day she bought her coffee from the same place the café did. Like an adult. She might have told Cope about it, had thought of it, but maybe she just wasn’t ready to say it out loud yet and own how lame it was.

So she parked her car, only a lucky four blocks down. The area was thick with businesses, and parking was at a premium. Having lived in Seattle her entire life, she thanked her parallel parking skills after only two tries.

The sidewalks were crowded with people out for the afternoon. Cafés were full as the shoppers went from the metaphysical bookstore to one of the last indie record stores in town. Fabric from the clothing shops brightened a day mostly made gray by the lack of leaves and the cloud cover.

Diva loomed just ahead, fairy lights strung in the window. The scent of freshly made donuts reminded her to grab some of the spice ones her father liked so much. She smiled, thinking of how pleased he’d be when she dropped them off when she delivered the other stuff for Mick.

At the crosswalk, traffic had bottled up, jostling everyone waiting. Someone bumped into her. She lost her footing on the slick sidewalk, and a hand caught her upper arm, hauling her upright.

Panic began to boil up, and she began to argue with herself furiously to calm down and handle it. There was talking. To her as they asked her things. She managed to respond as she nearly gagged on the fear and then the shame.

She got across the street, sweating despite the cold. Pushing it back, pushing it back even as her muscles jumped and her head hurt.

Each step got her closer to the doors. Luckily for her, the woman behind the counter recognized Ella and waved, beckoning her deeper into the dimly lit coffeehouse. Normally, Ella loved the feeling of the place. Big comfortable chairs and couches littered the room. The newsstand just out front provided plenty of material to while away a few hours drinking coffee and munching on their ridiculously good donut holes.

Right then it felt claustrophobic and overstuffed.

She managed to get a bag of coffee and to get back to her car. Once the door closed and locked behind her, she gave in and let the tears come.

9

Ella stood in front of the mirror. For a time she’d debated even going out that night, but in the end, it had felt like she’d have given up if she had canceled. Besides, why not look on this night with her friends as some sort of treat or bonus after that f**ked-up foray to get coffee.

She took a sip of the strong brew, softened with lots of milk and sugar. Before she got into the shower she’d put on a pot to brew, and when she’d gotten out, Elise had put it on the bathroom counter to wait for her. Each drink was a little victory lap in her head. She owed part of that success to Andrew and the classes he’d given her. He’d planted the seed within her, the confidence in her inner and physical strength.

Elise had come over early to help her turn her normally flat-ironed, smooth, chin-length bob into a tousled mass of big curls. She was Ella still, but with sparkles, and who didn’t like sparkles?

“You look so pretty.” Elise stood just behind her in the doorway.

Ella looked back at her eyes and the job her friend had done. Some brushes and what seemed like two dozen little pots of color, and suddenly Ella’s eyes were mysterious and sexy. Combined with the hair, she didn’t feel so very bad in comparison to the other women she’d seen Cope with in the past.

She took a last measuring look and realized something. “I don’t look startled.”

“Startled?”

She hadn’t told anyone of her experiences some hours before. “Sometimes it feels like that’s my go-to expression. Startled. Frightened. Like a high-strung teacup-sized dog.”

Elise leaned against the doorjamb. “Hmm. I’ve never thought of it that way.”

Ella of the mysterious eyes looked at her friend’s reflection in the mirror. “What do you think of it as?”

“Well first of all, you’re long and lean with a big rack. That’s not in a teacup dog neighborhood, dumb ass. And then, I have to say, startled is never a word I associate with you. You’re eminently capable of most any task. Keeps my life in perspective, that’s for sure. I envy your focus.”