“No.” I draw in a ragged breath, struggling against my natural inclination to cover up my real feelings with humor or diversion. “Being out of control like that scared me.”

His face softens and he smoothes the hair away from my face. “But it made you hot, didn’t it? It turned you on. You gave yourself to me, and I took care of you.”

“Yes.”

“And I didn’t let you down.”

I give him a reluctant smile but my heart sinks. He doesn’t understand. He doesn’t see that he has bared me, body and soul, and without my armor I am lost in the world.

He releases me and we straighten our clothes, then Jake wraps his arms around me and gives me a hug. “Are you sure you’re okay?”

“Yeah, I’m good,” I lie. Disconcerted, trembling, unbearably exposed, I desperately want to go home.

***

Monday morning, after a weekend of work interrupted by nightly sexathons that leave me physically sated and emotionally wrecked, I stumble into the office. Almost immediately, my pulse kicks up a notch and my stomach clenches. What was I thinking, taking Saturday and Sunday night off? How will I ever make up that time? How many applications have Farnsworth’s minions prepared over the weekend? Will I be able to keep a grip on the emotional turmoil that has been threatening to rip me apart all weekend? I gave up my control and it scared me, and although part of me wanted to run, another part couldn’t stay away.

“How was the weekend?” Ray looks up from his newspaper and my cheeks heat in an instant.

“Good.”

“Looks like.”

I stiffen and frown. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Nothin’.”

I give Penny a smile and pour myself a coffee. “How was your weekend?”

She shrugs. “Fine.”

Coffee in hand, I join Ray on the couch. Then I put my feet up on the table. Quite comfy. As I sip the hot, bitter liquid, I look around the office. The dark drapes and navy blue pillows make for a somber atmosphere. Maybe we should change them out for something light. Cream. Or a soft toffee color. Maybe some pale pink accents. Lighter furniture. And that monogram has to go. Everywhere I look, the office pities me. AW. AW. AW.

Or maybe not. Maybe the tried-and-true corporate style is best. None of this halfway nonsense. The couch has to go.

Or should it?

Ray shoots me a knowing look. “Thinking of redecorating?”

Gritting my teeth, I snatch the newspaper from his hands. “Can you read my mind? Seriously. How do always know what I’m thinking?”

“You’re very easy to read. Right now, you’re confused. Don’t know what to do.”

Worried I might be too transparent about the weekend too, I tighten my voice and switch to work mode. “Penny, could you please pull the Redemption file? I have some new surveillance ideas I want to run past Ray.”

“Sure.” She pushes herself out of her seat and shuffles across the room.

Ray frowns. “You okay, Pen?”

Penny’s cheeks brighten and she nods. “Yeah good. Just stiff…fell down the stairs this weekend. Woke up at night to get a glass of water and didn’t turn on the light.”

Ray gives Penny a considered look. “You didn’t go out with that f**king loser again did you?”

“If I did, Ray, it wouldn’t be any of your business.”

His jaw tightens and his voice drops to a warning growl. “If he laid a hand on you, Pen, I would damn well make it my business.”

A pained expression crosses her face and she yanks open the filing cabinet then winces. “Not that I’m saying I went out with him, but we don’t all have a choice like both of you. We don’t all have so many people so desperate for our attention that we can play with them and toss them away when they get too close.”

I look at Penny aghast. “Is that what you think?”

“I think you never see what’s staring you in the face,” she says bitterly. “I think you’re so afraid to let people get close, you can’t even see when you’ve found the very thing you’ve been looking for. The thing everyone else is looking for and few of us ever find. And Ray’s the same. He’s a love ’em and leave ’em type of guy.”

“You don’t know anything about me, Pen,” Ray says quietly. “Don’t presume.”

Penny pulls a file from the cabinet and tosses it on the desk. “Fine then.”

My mouth drops open. “Is something wrong, Penny? Did I do something to upset you? Did Ray?”

Tears glitter in her eyes. “Nope. I’m good. Everything is good.”

Over the next few days, I try to get Penny to tell me what’s going on, but for the first time since I’ve known her, she refuses to talk. Instead, she throws herself into work alongside me.

Fortunately, Jake is also busy with work, but when he does find time in his schedule, I invent meetings to keep us apart. Disconcerted by the three words he whispered while we lay on his bed, and confused by my body’s heated response to his relentless pushing in the bedroom, I need some distance, and work is a good place to hide.

Or maybe it’s not.

Chapter 19

POUND, POUND, POUND GOES MY HEART

Friday afternoon, the real estate agent calls. We’ve had an offer from a development company. They plan to knock down my grandmother’s house and build condos. When I suggest to the agent maybe we should leave it on the market a little longer for a family or even a young couple starting out, she almost hyperventilates. Full asking price. Cash. Quick sale. Almost unheard of in this market. I’ll never get a comparable offer, and even if I do, it might not be for up to a year. So I say yes even though my heart says no.