MOM (sung):

Look at this Big Gay Baby of ours—

not something you read about in Dr. Spock.

Look at our Big Gay Baby—

not what we were expecting when we were

expecting.

But we love him.

Oh, yes, we love him.

TINY (spoken):

You’re okay with this, aren’t you? I’m not going to say I’m sorry. I’m not sorry. The only thing I’m sorry about is keeping it from you for so long. And maybe the peas, because I think Baxter likes them even less than I do.

MOM (sung):

Don’t be sorry.

Never be sorry.

You don’t have to be.

We love you.

We’ll always love you.

Unconditionally.

Tiny and his mother embrace. Then Tiny looks to his father, who’s crying. All dialogue is spoken here, to end of scene.

TINY:

Dad?

DAD (trying to hide his tears):

It’s okay, son. Everything she said.

TINY:

Really?

DAD:

Really.

TINY:

Then I hope you don’t mind . . . I signed us up to be in a mother-daughter fashion show. I thought that would be a great way for me to let everyone know who I am. Is that okay?

The spotlight closes in on Dad. He’s caught.

ACT I, SCENE 7

Tiny’s father takes center stage. As the scenery changes behind him to set up for the scene after this one, he opens up to the audience. He loves his son—there’s no doubt that he loves his son. But still, this is hard for him.

[“WHAT DO YOU DO?”]

DAD:

What do you do when your son

asks you to be in a

mother-daughter fashion show?

Do you pack up and leave

or figure out the best way to say

no, no, no?

It’s a public display,

an embarrassing array

of all the things

you don’t want people to say.

My own father took me fishing

and left me always wishing

that being in that boat

would make us less remote.

But instead we’d sit without speaking,

time together slowly leaking.

Our lines tied in a knot,

the big one never caught.

I told myself that when I became a father

I’d be the type who’d always bother.

Never scorn, never judge, never run.

In order to be a good father

you have to be a good mother.

You have to take every chance

as if you won’t get another.

My father died

before I could ask the right questions.

Now I ask them anyway

and never get answers.

What do you do when your son

asks you to be in a

mother-daughter fashion show?

I’ll tell you what you do—

You go.

As the audience hopefully applauds Dad and his decision, he goes offstage. The lights go up, and we see the runway for the mother-daughter fashion show assembled. Soon, mothers and daughters (all played by girls, just to make the juxtaposition more effective) are parading in matching outfits to the opening strains of “I KNOW THIS CAN’T BE EASY FOR YOU.” It all climaxes when Tiny and his dad appear . . . in matching outfits.

A note on the outfits: This is not a drag show for Tiny and his dad. Even though there is nothing at all wrong with a boy wanting to wear dresses, there is something wrong with assuming that every gay boy wants to wear dresses. Some might. Some don’t. Tiny was never into that particular Cage aux Folles, so when he suggests his father and he participate in a mother-daughter fashion show, they are dressed the way he wants to be dressed—FABULOUSLY. Needless to say, there should be more sparkle and brightness than Tiny’s dad has ever considered wearing. (Also note: There is also something wrong with assuming that every gay boy wants to wear sparkles and bright colors. Some don’t. I do.)

Tiny and his dad’s entrance leads, of course, to a big production number.

Tiny is somewhat astonished that his father has agreed to do this with him. And Tiny’s dad is very much astonished that he’s at a mother-daughter fashion show. This isn’t like the end of Grease, when Sandy is suddenly liberated by trying on a slutty girl’s clothes. Tiny’s dad is very uncomfortable.

What follows is a reflection of their emotions.

[“I KNOW THIS CAN’T BE EASY FOR YOU”]

TINY:

I know this can’t be easy for you.

DAD:

I won’t try to deny that it’s true.

TINY:

There are other ways of spending a Sunday . . .

DAD:

. . . than walking with your son down the runway.

TINY:

But here we are in matching outfits.

DAD:

Just look at where my waistline sits!

TINY:

Balls out with the family charm . . .

DAD:

. . . trying not to pull the nearest alarm.

TINY (pause, then spoken):

I’m really glad you’re here.

DAD:

I know it can’t be easy for you.

TINY:

I won’t try to deny that it’s true.

DAD:

There must be times when you feel like a target.

TINY:

Which is why I live my life like I’m totally jet-set.

DAD:

I just hope I’m a good father.

TINY:

I just hope I’m a good son.

TINY AND DAD:

I never know—

I only know—

this can’t be easy for you.

They head down the runway.