Wow. I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. Was this the reason he’d kept me at a distance for so long? He didn’t want that to happen to us, the premature break-up? So many things started to make sense, and I felt so ridiculously stupid that I hadn’t put it together sooner.

“But Reya meant too much to you to risk a similar break-up?” the doctor questioned.

“Yes. I didn’t want to lose her. I couldn’t lose her. The way I felt about her was too strong, so I kept things platonic, even though some days it was fucking agony.”

“Don’t you think that shows restraint? You stopped yourself from taking something you wanted because of the possible long-term repercussions.”

“I suppose . . .”

“So, even back then you had that in-built control. Yes, it did break eventually, but you need to acknowledge the achievement was no small feat. You stayed the course for a very long time, with no understanding of your condition and no treatment. For over three years you maintained a friendship with Reya.”

“It’s not like it was easy,” said Trev with a hint of humour.

“And I believe you, but I also believe that with the right guidance and perseverance, you can overcome your hurdles and continue to do so. You have to understand that this is a lifelong practice. There isn’t a quick fix. Like anything in the world, continual upkeep and maintenance is what keeps it ticking over. The man you are today is far different from the one who first visited my clinic, but you’re only six months into this process. Once you get used to a routine you’ll feel much better equipped to enter into a romantic relationship.”

Trev was quiet after the doctor finished speaking and I knew I should leave, but my feet wouldn’t move. I was morbidly fascinated hearing all this, even though at the same time I knew what I was doing was very, very wrong. I was eavesdropping on what was supposed to be a private and confidential conversation. But I was hearing things about Trev I’d struggled to understand for years.

The doctor engaged Trev by changing the subject. “Tell me about the first time you met Reya.”

I stood very still, my back flush with the wall, my hands flat. I still couldn’t believe I was such a prominent figure in his therapy sessions. His doctor referred to me so familiarly, so they obviously discussed me often.

“I was out with my brother. He was interested in Reya’s friend, Karla. They’re married now, but they were still getting to know each other then. I saw her dancing and I . . . I dunno, I just liked her face. There was something real kind about her eyes.”

“And that kindness drew you to her?”

“Well, yeah. But my brother asked me to keep her distracted while he hit on her friend, so that’s why I approached her. I asked if she wanted a drink and she got all shy, so I knew I couldn’t go with my usual chat-up lines.”

“Why not?”

“Because I come on strong and would’ve only scared her off. Not that I wanted to score with her or anything; that came later.”

“So you took a moment to gauge her demeanour, you considered the best course of action to take in befriending her, and then you set on your course.”

“Uh-huh.”

“Sound familiar?” the doctor asked, a lilt in his voice.

“It sounds a little like some of the techniques you’ve been teaching me, yeah.”

“It’s knowledge we all unconsciously possess, how to read people, how to react in different social situations. Some of us are simply better at it than others. And some people, such as yourself, need to consciously find those skills from within and use them instead of allowing the id to steer the wheel.”

“The id?” Trev asked.

“It’s the most basic part of the human personality. The id wants instant gratification rather than to work for a certain result. Imagine a child throwing a tantrum because they want ice cream now instead of waiting until after their dinner.”

“Are you saying I’m like a toddler?” Trev commented, bemused.

“I’m saying it’s your natural instinct to want things immediately. You want to be with Reya, correct?”

“Yes.”

“And if you were to go with your natural instinct, you might simply grab her and start kissing her.”

Trev chuckled quietly. “Something like that.”

“But if you were to do that, how would she react?”

“Not well, I imagine.”

“So, you need to resist the urge inside your head to take what you want, consequences be damned. If you are to build a lasting foundation, the id is not the part of the psyche that you should be listening to.”

“Then what part should I be listening to?”

“You listen to the ego.”

Trev didn’t sound convinced. “My ego is what got me into this mess in the first place.”

“I’m talking about the Freudian ego, Trevor, which is the second part of the psyche. It allows us to understand that if we take what we want right away, there will be consequences. We might upset people, or hurt them, and that won’t be beneficial for us in the long run.”

I startled when the doorbell rang, jolting my rapt attention away from Trev’s therapy session. Although I wanted to continue listening, I didn’t want to get caught. Plus, I needed to go answer the door, because it was probably Isaac.

I hurried down the hallway, greeting Isaac with an overly bright smile when I let him in. “Good morning. I hope you’re hungry.”

“I’m nineteen. I’m always hungry,” he replied, returning my smile. “What’s up with you?”

“With me? Nothing. Why?”

“You seem a little . . . I dunno, buzzed.”

I waved him away, even though my heart still pounded from what I’d overheard. Trev wanted to be with me. He’d wanted to be with me for years but kept things platonic for fear of losing me. “I just overslept. Do you like bruschetta?”

“Never had it before, but I’m not picky.”

“Okay, bruschetta it is then,” I chirped.

“Are you sure you’re okay? You sound like my mum when she’s been snooping in my bedroom.”

“I’m fine. And stop comparing me to your mum all the time. You’ll give me a complex. Now go grab a knife and help me chop these tomatoes.”