The wheels were starting to turn in my head now. “I’ll bet they have all kinds of technical goo-gah there. Like engineering and chemistry stuff.”

“Exactly. And we have kids with skills already. We could do some study courses to help increase what knowledge we have and get going on really setting this place up for the long term.”

“Now all we have to do is figure out how to move all that stuff without getting attacked and eaten.”

“I’m working on that, too.”

I hugged Peter to me hard. “What would I do without you?”

He patted me lightly on the back. “You’d manage. But I appreciate your gratitude. It’s nice to be needed.”

I pulled away, but left my hands on his arms. “I’m going to go and get him for you, Peter.”

“Who?”

“Don’t play games. You know who I’m talking about.”

Peter closed his eyes and shook his head. When he opened them again, they were as cold as I’d ever seen them. “I don’t care what he does. He can stay and rot in that stinky swamp as far as I’m concerned.”

I dropped my hands from his arms. “Peter, don’t say that. You know you don’t mean it.”

“Don’t I?”

“No, you don’t. You’re not that cold-blooded.”

“It’s not about being cold-blooded. It’s about walking away when that’s the right thing to do. He could have come with us. He could have stopped me. He made his choice, and now we both have to live with it. That’s life out in the badlands.”

I shook my head. “First of all, badlands? What’s that? Are we living in a Blade Runner movie now? And when did you get so hardcore, anyway? What happened to my fluffy doodle dumpling?”

He shrugged, shuffling some papers and making a big deal out of straightening the ones laid out in front of him. “I’ve always been this way. People who can’t adapt and move on get left behind, and I’m not getting left behind.”

I sighed, very frustrated. “Could you stop with the papers for a second?” His casual attitude was really worrying me. Before, I’d always thought Peter having a breakdown would be all about hysterics and girly screaming. Now I wasn’t so sure that it wouldn’t be a lot of hyper organization and planning like what I was seeing here.

“I’m busy right now. Maybe we can continue this conversation later.”

“No, maybe we can continue it now,” I said, more firmly this time.

He stopped and put his hands on his hips. “You’re getting a little high-handed, don’t you think?”

“You haven’t even seen high-handed, yet. Trust me. Either talk to me now and cut the crapola or I’m going to carry you out of here and force you to talk. And I’m warning you … there could be possible cuddling after.”

“You wouldn’t,” he said, his nostrils flaring.

“You sure about that?” I asked, raising an eyebrow. I widened my stance, preparing to grab him around the middle and haul him out of there.

He wilted like a newly airless balloon. “Fine.” He dropped his gaze to the floor. “But I’m not going to like it.”

“Come on, you don’t have to like it.” I took him by the elbow and led him out of the lobby and over to the front gate.

Once we were out of everyone’s earshot, I spoke again. “Listen, I know Trip was a total douchebag blowing you off like that. But you have to admire him for doing what he believed in, even though it was obviously tearing him up inside.”

Peter snorted. “Yeah right. Tearing him up? I don’t think so.”

“I talked to Rob. He said Trip was miserable after you left. It was obvious to everyone he was very upset about you leaving.”

“It wasn’t about me.”

I laughed. “What? You think he was upset to see me go?”

Peter tried to keep frowning but he couldn’t totally pull it off. A tiny smile appeared. “No.”

“Jamal? Ronald?”

Peter’s smile got bigger. “No.”

“Bodo?”

“Definitely not.”

“Buster?”

“Maybe.”

“Maybe he misses Buster, but he wasn’t standing out on the riverbank as we drifted by for the poodle, you dork, and you know it. He was glad to be rid of me. He was mad at Rob, Fohi, and Winky for leaving, but he knew he’d see them again. It was you he was upset about.” I shook Peter gently. “And you pretending that’s not the case is just stupid. You’re just bringing the drama.” I tickled his ribs a little. “Drama queen.”

“Stop.” He pushed my hand away, still smiling but trying not to.

“Drama queen.” I tickled him some more, using two hands now.

“Stop. I’m serious!” He tried like heck to push me away, but I wasn’t having any of that nonsense.

“Admit it!” I yelled playfully. “Admit you’re a drama queen!” I was getting him so good he was close to falling down.

“No! Never! And you’d better watch out before I start defending myself!”

I laughed with glee, so busy tickling him I wasn’t paying attention to the obvious signs of his impending revenge. “Go ahead, drama queen, give it your best shot.”

I had expected him to try and eye gouge me or palm thrust me like I’d taught him, foolish girl that I am. The revenge he’d planned so sweetly didn’t hit me until the intense burning flashed out from my chest.

“Titty twister! Ah ha!” he squealed, dancing out of my reach. “Take that, you smelly beast!”

“Oh my god!” I yelled. “You just pinched my nipple!” My jaw dropped in shock.

He held up two sets of pinching fingers in front of him. “Stay away or you’ll suffer the worst purple nurple of all time. I don’t play.”

I put my hands over my breasts. “Dude, you so fight dirty. I had no idea you were that vicious.”

He giggled. “That’s pretty rich coming from the girl who kicks testicles up into throats.”

I shrugged. “A girl’s gotta do …”

“… what a girl’s gotta do,” he finished, wiggling his pinchers around a little.

I held up my hands in surrender. “Fine. You’ve got me. No more tickling, no more boobie pinching.”

“You surrender to my superior power. Say it.”

“I surrender to your dirty fighting tactics.”

“Good enough.” He dropped his hands. “Were you telling the truth about Trip? About what Rob said?”

“Yes, I was. I swear.”

“And you said you’re going to go get him?”

“I’m going to try. Rob says they’re planning on coming here. I need to help them if that’s what they want to do.”

“It’s going to be dangerous.”

“Yes.” I moved closer to stand in front of him.

“I want to come.”

“Absolutely not.” I put my arm around his shoulder and steered him towards the front door.

“You can’t stop me.”

“Probably not. But I have important reasons for not wanting you to go. The group needs you here. I’m going to come back with a buttload of kids, and they’re going to need homes, showers, food, clothes, and everything else. There’s no one I trust more to make that happen than you.”

“That’s a lot of trust.”

We reached the door and I turned to face him. “You’ve earned it.”

“I trust you too, you know.” He looked at me with those adorable eyes of his, and the memory of his sister’s story made my heart spasm a little.

“I hope I can keep deserving that,” I said.

“I know you always will. It’s just who you are. Now tell me … what do I need to do to get you ready for your trip?”

I grinned. “I thought you’d never ask.”

***

I spent over an hour with Peter and his group discussing the plans that we’d need to put in motion to prepare for the mass influx of new settlers I expected to start arriving any day. We had to set up the logistics not only for people but also animals and everything those two groups brought with them. It was a nightmare of details that I was more than glad to leave in Peter’s capable hands. I probably shouldn’t have been surprised, but he was already on top of things and had somehow managed to find the other OCD kids in our community to jump on all the details and scheduling with him. They were all shiny happy people on a mission when I left them to go find Bodo.

I’d avoided looking for him earlier because I figured he was probably out just doing his morning thing, and if he was taking extra long it was because he had a lot on his mind. But when it became obvious he was missing for a much longer period than he should have been, I knew I couldn’t avoid our confrontation any longer. It was time for me to pay the piper for my serious lapse in judgment and control.

I walked outside and started a tour around the exterior of the compound. It was a huge place, but something told me he’d be in the spot we’d talked about making into a garden. Sure enough, as I came around the corner of the building I saw him there, just standing and staring at the ground.

The closer I got to him, the more nervous I became and the sicker I felt. Is this going to be the end? Is he going to tell me he doesn’t love me anymore? We lived in this strange, new world where the rules of our former society didn’t necessarily apply in a lot of ways. But I was pretty sure that me kissing another boy would feel the same for him, regardless.

I’d hurt Bodo, and I couldn’t blame him if he didn’t want to be with me anymore. I was going to have to live with whatever decision he made, but I hoped it would be to stay together. I couldn’t imagine how awkward and painful it would be to see him every day and not be with him, or worse, to see him with another girl. Even the thought of it made me want to barf.

I walked up beside him and stopped. I said nothing, hoping he’d start the conversation, but after a while I couldn’t wait anymore. Someone had to break the ice.

“Are you willing the ground to start growing things?”

“No. I am making plans in my head.”

“What kind of plans?” I hated how weak my voice sounded. How needy it was. I’d somehow turned a conversation about vegetables into a plea for our future or something.

“Some plants need a lot of sun. Some need da shade. I haff to arrange da plants so dey can help each udder.”

I nodded, not really sure what he was talking about but just grateful that he was speaking to me.

“Whenever you’re ready for the seeds, just let me know.” Of course he knew this already, that all he had to do was ask, but I was trying to fill the space between us with words. The silence was so awkward it was painful.

“We needt water first. Enough for the peoples and the plants.”

I nodded. “Tell Peter. He’ll make sure it makes it into his plans.”

I stood there, staring at the ground with him for a while and then at the sky. It was blue as far as I could see, perfect weather for burying bodies. I was looking forward to getting that grisly task finally done.

My mind eventually came back to my more immediate problem, and I took a moment to look at Bodo’s profile. His face was set in a stern mask, all traces of humor and playfulness gone. He was like a different person - older, intimidating almost. He was beautiful, too. The angles of his face, high cheekbones, and strong brow hinted at his German heritage. The outline of his well-muscled chest was easily visible beneath his thin t-shirt. He’d make a great partner in this new world and a great dad if he ever wanted to have kids. It made my heart ache that I probably screwed it up with him. I couldn’t stand there silently anymore, or I was going to start bawling.