We stopped next to Bethesda Fountain, sitting on the edge and watching rented rowboats sail past under the untrained strokes of teenaged boys and middle-aged couples.

“What are you going to do?” he asked finally.

“I have an idea.”

“You usually do.”

“It hinges on the Rain siblings.”

“Then it probably isn’t a good idea,” he said.

“They never are.”

Two rowboats collided, their front ends knocking against each other. A group of young women in one giggled and apologized to the couple in the other. Youth was a funny thing, so open to forgiveness. We watched the boats part ways and drift in opposite directions across the pond.

“Are you going to tell me your terrible plan?”

“That depends.”

“On?”

“Will you try to talk me out of it?”

Desmond took my hand but didn’t look at me. “No. I’m done trying to talk you into or out of anything. I might not agree, but you won’t change your mind because of me.”

I squeezed his hand and chose not to placate him with a lie.

“I’m going to take Kellen back. And I’m going to make Holden help me do it.” He didn’t reply for such a long time I thought he might not have heard me. When I glanced at him, his expression told me he hadn’t had any trouble catching what I’d said. “Desmond?”

He forced a smile, which faded quickly. “I said I wouldn’t say anything.”

“Good. Then take me to Kellen’s so I can get the easy Rain out of the way first.”

“I know I said I would wait until you got here, but this is pushing the limits of my goddamn patience,” Jackson growled. “You’re lucky she passed out hours ago and has premium cable.”

“I’m sorry.”

“I don’t know what could have been so important you—”

“Jackson. No.” Desmond shook his head, cutting Jackson off mid-rant. “No.”

Jackson threw his hands up in the air. “Fine. Whatever. I’m out.” He grabbed his backpack from beside the door and was gone before I could think to put my shaking hands around his scrawny neck.

“I’m sorry he—”

“He didn’t know,” I said flatly. “Let’s find Kellen so I can get out of here.” Sunset was on the move, and I wanted to get to Holden before he scurried off to the council and made any more plans with Sig about my future.

Holden was an integral part of the plan. I couldn’t get to Calliope without a vampire, but also if I didn’t get what I wanted from Aubrey, I would accept the ultimatum from Sig and let Holden turn me. I didn’t like it, but there it was.

I needed Kellen because she was a bargaining chip. She was, ultimately, the most important part of my mission. I wouldn’t be able to do what I wanted if she was bespelled. I might have selfish motives, but they didn’t involving selling my friend back into fairy slavery. But if she was—as she claimed—honestly in love with Brokk, then I’d sacrificed all my power for nothing.

I would take Kellen to Calliope and the Oracle could tell me the truth.

If Kellen was in love, and it was an honest-to-God relationship I had saved her from, then I was stamping a big old Return to Sender on her and making Aubrey give me my powers back. I had misgivings about whether he’d agree, but if Brokk was being as big a pain in the ass to Aubrey as Kellen was being to us, I hoped he’d be begging to make the swap.

If he hesitated, I was prepared to bring up the broken promise he’d made. He’d told me he would keep the anonymous fairy killer from taking another life, and he’d failed. Between Kellen and the promise, I had to believe he would return me to myself.

And once I was myself again, I was going to kill my mother.

That’s what it all came down to. The whole plan—every convoluted aspect of it—had nothing to do with balancing the scales or restoring rightness to the world. It didn’t matter that I had responsibilities or people counting on me. I didn’t care about making Kellen happy or pleasing Sig by being what he needed on the council.

What lay at the base of it all—the foundation holding the whole mess up—was I wanted my mother to die by my hands, and I wanted them to be the monstrous hands she had created.

“Find Kellen,” I instructed. “It’s time to go.”

Desmond and I searched the apartment and found Kellen sleeping on the floor in her bedroom. There were two magnums of champagne next to her, neither opened thank God, because Kellen was a small girl and that much champagne might have killed her. Not to mention one of the bottles was covered in a thick film of dust and was probably worth more than the annual rent on her apartment.

Positioned around her in a circle was every mirror she had in the apartment—at least the ones she could take off the walls—all facing in on each other, creating reflected tunnels that went on forever. When I poked her with my toe, a dozen of my disapproving doppelgangers did the same.

“Ungh,” she muttered.

“Get up,” I replied, nudging her harder. “We’re getting you out of here.”

She cracked one eyelid and wiped the crusty bits of sleep from her eyes. Judging from the pained squinting, I had been right to predict she’d have a hell of a headache. “Secret, is that you? Where are we going?” Her voice was small, almost childlike, and for a moment—just a moment—I had a pang of the deepest sympathy for her.

If she was in love, I knew what it was like to have that pulled away. Worse—I knew what it was like to have the person you love the most walk out the door willingly. I had that man beside me now, but the gods only knew what he and I were to each other. I’d been handed a perfect future for us. An opportunity for us to have our happily ever after and everything we could have dreamed.

He’d asked me to run.

And I’d said no.

Instead of treating Kellen like the problem, I reminded myself she was my friend, and I was steadily running out of friends. I sat on the floor beside her and brushed damp hair off her forehead. “Do you really love him?” I asked. Maybe if she did love him, there was a chance one of us could finish this awful week with a little happiness.

Her lashes fluttered, and her hand went to her chest. I saw the flicker of raw hope on her face, and it was a kind of emotion that couldn’t be faked. Calliope would tell me one way or the other if the love Kellen felt was real, but her expression told me what Kellen felt.

“Yes. Oh, yes. And I didn’t mean what I said, Secret. About you and Desmond.” She looked from me to the gentleman in question. “You didn’t deserve that from me.”

I shrugged. “Maybe I did deserve it.”

Kellen took my hand and scooted closer. “No. I was a bitch.”

That made me laugh, however lightly. “Takes one to know one, hon. If you do love him, then I didn’t really do you any favors by dragging you back here.”

“You didn’t know.”

“I didn’t ask, either.” I got to my feet again and offered her a hand up. “Get dressed.”

“Why?”

“Because I’m taking you to Calliope. And then I’m taking you back.”

Chapter Fifty-One

I didn’t have the luxury of time to let Kellen say goodbye to Lucas in person, but we lived in a world of iPhone technology. As we drove I used my too-smart-for-its-own-good phone to video call Lucas, and when he answered, I passed Kellen the phone.

I tried not to listen in, but they were both emotional as Kellen told him she loved him but she couldn’t stay.

“I have to go back,” she said, wiping a fat tear off her cheek.

“But I can’t protect you there,” he replied. I couldn’t look at the screen because seeing Lucas upset might break me. I needed to keep my distance from this.

“I don’t need your protection anymore.”

A familiar sigh came through the speaker. “Will you come back?”

“I don’t know.” Her tears were coming faster now. “I’m sorry.”

There was a clipped discussion on the other end of the phone. “I have to hang up now, Kellen. Please think about this.”

“I have.”

A pause. “I love you.”

“I love you too.”

The Rain siblings said goodbye to each other. Possibly for the last time.

Holden had just risen for the night when we showed up at his doorstep. I wasn’t sure if he had normal dreams, but I think he was hoping this was a bad one when he opened his apartment door to see me, Desmond and Kellen huddled together in his hallway.

“They’d better be here to wish you a fond farewell to the mortal coil,” he said.

“Something along those lines.”

“Oh, Secret. You know how much I love a straightforward answer from you.”

“Can we talk inside for a minute?”

He stepped aside, and I wasn’t so distracted as to miss the glare he shot Desmond. I wasn’t interested in coddling either of their egos right then. If they wanted to know who was coming out on top when it came to me, the answer would be whichever of them helped me with this plan the most.

I wouldn’t find arguments terribly endearing right then.

“Is your entourage going to be okay on their own?” Holden asked. “I didn’t put down a deposit for pet damage.”

My expression said what my words did not, a very plain Shut the fuck up.

I crossed the threshold and closed the door behind me. “I’m going to get right to the point.”

“And I was so hoping for a rousing game of charades. You’re here to get bitten.”

“No.”

“You’re planning to—”

“Brigit is dead.” That silenced him. “Mercy thought Brigit was me. Shot her in the heart.” I touched my own chest, fingers fanning over my sternum where my heart was beating rapidly, reminding me I was still alive. “Silver bullet.”