Norma put a comforting hand on my knee. “He’s not going to hurt you, Gwen. Do you hear me?”

I searched her face, but I wasn’t comforted. She was worried and that worried me. I turned to the officer. “What did he say? I need to know.” I shifted my eyes to Ben. “And what does it have to do with you being here?”

Ben nudged me with his elbow. “My being here had nothing to do with any of this, but all of this does make me glad that I happened to come when I did. Now let the cop talk before Norma gets her panties in a wad.”

I glanced over at Norma in time to see her scowl. “Okay,” I conceded. “But you’re filling me in on everything later.” I returned my attention to Officer Taylor.

“Go ahead,” Norma said to him, as if giving permission to talk. Though, from the expression on his face, I was pretty sure he didn’t care whether she permitted him or not.

I liked him already.

“We haven’t actually spoken to William Anders yet,” Officer Taylor said. “We would have, after you filed your report. Or his parole officer would have. But he never came back to his house last night.”

“What does that mean?” Every hair stood up on my body in rigid fear, but I had to be sure I understood what I was hearing. I wanted it spelled out.

Now Officer Taylor glanced at Norma before answering. “It’s a violation of his parole. With the assault charge you’re filing now, in addition to his attempt at extortion, this is enough to see him incarcerated again.”

Ben sat forward in his chair. “I’ll tell you what it means—it means he’s on-the-run. He realized he fucked up with you yesterday, and he’s too scared to go back and face the consequences. It means no one is monitoring him. It means the asshole is free.”

“It means we aren’t safe,” Norma added.

Well. I’d wanted it spelled out and I got it. I took another swallow of her latte, wishing it were something stronger. Wishing I were someone stronger.

I placed a hand over the one Norma still had on my knee and squeezed. She’s overreacting, I told myself. She’s being precautious. We’re still safe. I’m still safe.

But I knew the truth was exactly opposite. She wasn’t the type to overreact. I could even imagine the source of the looks between her and the cop. She’d probably told him not to scare me. To keep his details short and concise. She’d either neglected to lecture Ben the same way or he’d ignored her.

I ran my free hand back and forth across my throat, needing something to do with my fingers, and asked the hard question. “You think he’ll come looking for me again, don’t you?”

“It’s hard to say,” Officer Taylor said. “He came looking for you once, and that makes us more likely to believe he’d come for you again. Especially since he didn’t leave with what he wanted.”

I nodded. God, I felt like a bobblehead with all the nodding I was doing, but it was easier than saying the equivalent words. Easier than saying, I understand what you’re getting at. Easier than acknowledging verbally that I was in full agreement that my father would very possibly come after me again.

A sob caught in the back of my throat. The boogieman of my youth was real and alive and dangerous. How could I not be scared to tears?

And Ben! He had to be as frightened as I was. He’d been even more tormented by my father.

I reached out to take his arm. “You shouldn’t be in town right now.” Ironic that I’d been the one that had wanted him to come to New York so desperately, and now I was telling him to leave.

Ben patted my hand. “It’s scary as all hell, isn’t it? But I’m good. Trust me.”

Behind him, I saw my driver take a seat a couple of tables away. He barely glanced at us. Was he watching all of us, I wondered? Would that be how we lived now? Covertly watched over by strangers hired by my sister?

I didn’t like the idea. Ben was being strong, though, so I decided I needed to be tougher too. I sat up straighter, forcing myself to appear as brave as I wanted to be, refusing to let fear paralyze me. Not like it had in my childhood. “Why is he being so stupid, anyway? I don’t get it. He wasn’t ever a criminal. He beat his kids. He didn’t steal or blackmail. He wasn’t a guy who went ‘on-the-run’.”

“As I explained to your brother and sister before you arrived, prison changes people, Ms. Anders,” Officer Taylor said, patiently. “And fellow inmates aren’t always very kind to child abusers. Your father wouldn’t have had an easy time in there. It seems he developed a drug habit, as well. Crack, I’m guessing. That’s not uncommon, and, the strange thing for many of these addicts is that being released becomes more of a burden than a blessing. Their main concern is where to get their next score and they have no contacts, no money, no place to go back and crash afterward.”

My father’s a crack addict. Great. Should I have been able to tell that when I’d seen him? Had he been shaky? His eyes dilated?

Guilt rattled through me. Guilt—of all things. How fucked up was it that I felt like this was our fault? Like, if we hadn’t put him jail, he wouldn’t be so messed up. If we hadn’t put him in jail, he wouldn’t be a threat to me today.

They were bullshit responses, but I couldn’t help feeling them. I hated the part of me that cared at all that my father suffered. I hated that I wondered why Ben couldn’t just stick it out like I had. Hated that I even thought for a second that my peace of mind now should be any more valuable than my brother’s safety was then.

I couldn’t look at him.

Norma leaned in. “Whatever you’re thinking right now, Gwen, it’s natural. Don’t beat yourself up over it.”

Easier said than done. She didn’t know what I was thinking.

As if to remind me what a monster my father was, my face started to throb right then. Remember this pain, it told me. Ben went through this and more. Your father deserves to be a mess.

Hateful words were no more encouraging than guilty ones. I took my hand from Norma’s and crossed a leg over the other. “So what happens now?”

I’d addressed the question to everyone, but it was Office Taylor that answered. “We obviously want to get him where we know he’s going to be. Right now, that’s at the club tomorrow morning. We’ve already contacted the owner and the general manager and plan to have a team waiting for him when he shows up.”