I had to figure it out because I was on edge. And I knew, somehow I was absolutely certain, that if JC gave me the right answer to my question, I’d feel better.

So I tried to explain it as best as I could. “A committed sexual relationship that really wasn’t committed at all, I guess is a good way to put it.”

His expression grew serious, but he kept his eyes on mine. “No, Gwen, I have not.”

I hadn’t known it until he’d given it, but it was the answer I’d been looking for. And when he took my hand once again in his, I felt a surge of arousal and confidence and comfort. It overcame me instantaneously, the way a light goes on with a switch, and I knew that whatever happened between us wouldn’t be inconsequential.

And that would be fine.

My smile came easily. “Then I guess we’ll be virgins together.”

He chuckled, pushing the door the rest of the way open. “Hopefully not for long.”

Inside the room, JC took my coat and hung it in a closet by the door alongside his. Then he placed the Do Not Disturb sign on the outside knob. I took the opportunity to look around the room. There was a couch and a couple of armchairs and an oval writing desk pressed against a floor-to-ceiling window that looked out over Central Park.

“Where’s the bed?” I flushed as soon as I said it, sure I sounded eager.

Thankfully JC didn’t make a big deal about it. He nodded down a hall. “Bedroom, bathroom, terrace—all that way.” He didn’t pull me that direction, however, leading me instead to sit on the couch. “You don’t mind if we hang out in here, do you?” he asked as he sat in an armchair across from me.

“Not at all.” What was I going to say? No, I want to get on with the fucking and I’m only comfortable fucking in a bed, wasn’t going to be believable. Or true. But, God, I hoped that he didn’t want to spend another hour talking. Because I was ready to get it on.

I crossed one leg over the other and bounced my knee.

JC studied me, his arms stretched out comfortably on the chair’s armrests. He seemed like a king on his throne. And what did that make me? “Gwen, relax. You look so tense.”

“It’s why I’m here, remember?”

“But you just got a hundred times tenser as soon as we walked in here. What can I do to make you feel more comfortable?”

I deliberated what to say. “Honestly? I’d feel better if we just got on with things.” He had told me I should ask for what I wanted.

He smirked, and I was afraid he was going to chide me for my impatience like he had at the café.

He didn’t. “Okay, we can do that. Tell me something—do you ever touch yourself?”

“Like, get off by myself?”

“Yes.”

My shirt was a long-sleeved silk peasant, but suddenly I felt bare. “Of course, I do.” Not a lot, but I did. And as much as I hadn’t wanted to admit it, I also didn’t want him thinking I was a total prude. Though maybe my answer made me sound like a perv of some sort. I rubbed nervously at my neck, already warm from blushing.

“Good.” JC seemed to like my response. “I want you to show me.”

I almost choked on my own saliva. “Show you? Like…you mean…right now?”

“Yes. Now. Right where you are. Show me.” He sat back into his chair, and I no longer thought of him as a king but as a judge.

A judge who wanted to watch as I played with myself.

“Um. I’m not sure I’m cool with that.” Except, I wanted to be cool with it. The idea was hot. It just required someone less inhibited than me to pull it off.

“Then don’t worry, you don’t have to do it. But I think that you want to. In fact, I know you do. You’re flushed right now and your breathing sped up as soon as I suggested it. Maybe some of that is fear, but fear isn’t very far from excitement. So if it’s something you want to do, then this is the perfect place to do it. Because you’re safe with me. I won’t judge.”

He leaned forward, his elbows on his knees. “And if it makes any difference, I want to see it.”

A shiver ran through me. “Why?”

“Because you have to be truly relaxed to climax with someone watching you. More selfishly, I already know how beautiful you look when you come, and I want to see it again.”

I couldn’t say exactly what it was that convinced me, and I never actually said yes, but there I was a minute later with my pants unzipped and my hand stuffed down my panties. I rubbed at my clit, and while my body tingled from the effort, I couldn’t get any further than that. “This isn’t working.”

“No, it’s not.”

I shot JC the evil eye. “Fuck you.”

“Not yet.” He ignored the second scowl I gave him. “Is this how you usually do it?”

“No. Usually I have my vibrator.” And no one watching me. Though, the last few times I’d done this, it had been JC I’d thought of. Only in my imagination, he wasn’t sitting across the room, not touching me.

This was too strange. Too detached.

Was this what he’d meant by a detached arrangement? Because if so, then it was going to be a deal-breaker after all.

Maybe I was overreacting. I wasn’t ready to give up.

JC frowned. “You never do this with your hands?”

“Not in a long time.” Not since I’d discovered the magic of Lelo pleasure objects. Talk about magic pussy.

“Shame.” He shook his head. “Okay. Anyway. Take off your pants. That will help.”

I didn’t think it would make a difference, but I did as he suggested, unzipping my long boots first, then pulling off my socks before standing to pull down my dress pants. When I sat again, I leaned into the cushion behind me and slipped my hand inside my panties. I still felt awkward. More so, now that my legs were bared. And I was a long way from an orgasm. I threw the back of my hand over my eyes and concentrated. Or, rather, tried to figure out how long I needed to keep going before faking an O would look convincing.

And honestly, it wasn’t what I wanted to do anymore. Well, it was and it wasn’t. I wanted to be sexy and unbridled. But I didn’t want it to be hard. I wanted to be the woman in the porn movie that could get off with just a flick of her clit. I wanted to come instantly like that and then move on to the next part where JC pulled out his cock and we played with that instead.

“Gwen, you aren’t trying.”

I let out a frustrated sigh. “Then you do it.”