I realize the emotions stirring in me are dangerous. For me to want this, to wish it were me. Even to entertain the notion of gazing at Mark with anything close to what I feel now is terrifying. Maybe I could trust him. Maybe we could find ourselves in this same situation.

Catherine continues down the aisle. She doesn’t look at anything other than Jackson. I turn back to see Mark’s eyes meet mine, and hope blooms deep in my heart.

One day.

The ceremony is exactly as I imagined—timeless. They say their vows, tears flow, and you can see the love they share. The sunset casts its blessing in pinks, oranges, and reds throughout the sky overhead. We move into the huge white tent set up on the other side of the vineyard. The tables are decorated with centerpieces of various glass candlestick holders surrounding tall vine-wrapped willow branches.

Being the date of the best man puts me at the wedding party table. However, thanks to Catherine’s thoughtfulness, I know everyone. Ashton, Gretchen, and Aaron all make me feel like a lifelong friend. Not that I can’t handle being in uncomfortable situations, but it’s nice feeling like I fit in.

Mark is with the bride and groom taking pictures, so I head to the bar.

“A glass of chardonnay please.” I smile as Jackson and Catherine enter the tent. Their smiles are electric. Their love is palpable.

“Having a good time?” Mark bumps my hip and hands me a flute. “Don’t worry, it’s safe to drink here.”

“How do I know you didn’t slip me something?”

“I don’t have to drug you to sleep with me. You know you can’t resist me.”

“Is that so?”

“I rev your engine, baby. I speak your language. I’m your weapon of choice.”

“Oh, Jesus. You need a shrink.” I laugh and take a sip.

I lean against him. The urge to be close is stronger than I can fight. He makes me happy just to be around him.

“They’re really happy together,” he muses.

“You mentioned they didn’t have it easy.” I never pressed for more answers. It kind of seems fitting to talk about them now.

Mark takes a swig of his beer. Only he would drink beer at a vineyard. “Yeah, Jackson has a history of keeping secrets to himself. He’s a weird guy. We’ve been friends for a long time, but even I don’t understand his thought process. The thing about secrets,” he pauses to cast me a look. “Is they eventually become uncovered. No matter how hard we try, they don’t stay buried forever.”

My heart races at his words. My life is a stack of carefully constructed secrets. If one were to get pulled out, everything would fall. People—colleagues, friends, loved ones—would all be in danger. I would literally have to disappear, because I would be killed. The more time I spend around Mark, the more exposed I become.

“Hopefully, people don’t dig. Sometimes it’s the thirst for knowledge that ends up making things worse.” I plead in my own way that he’ll understand.

Mark mulls over my words, but the intensity doesn’t ebb. “The truth, though, can’t be denied.”

“Sometimes the lie is safer than the truth.”

“I’ll protect you. Do you believe that?”

“Mark.” I can barely speak. I know he wants to think he can, but there are some things even he can’t stop. Instead of letting me finish, he takes me into his arms.

“I can live with your lies, Charlie. As long as you don’t lie to me.”

“I won’t always have a choice. If I go back to the agency, my life isn’t always my own.”

This has always been the struggle I’ve faced. Loving someone, letting them into my life, doesn’t provide them with any promises. I’ll do whatever my country needs me to do. I’ll go where I have to go and use those around me to get information—at any cost.

Mark takes my drink and sets it on the bar. “Your life is always your own. It’s what you choose that makes it someone else’s. Come.” He puts his hand out. “We have people to make jealous.” His smile is inviting, and my hand slips right into his. “Right after I give my speech. You ready for epic?”

“I’m scared more than anything.”

He laughs. “Jackson should be too.”

Mark

I’ve thought about all the things to say to my best friends. The stories I have that would make him turn colors, but I promised his mother I would behave. Then again, behaving for me is probably a running joke for her.

“Did you write it down?” Charlie asks as we make our way to the head table.

“I got everything I need here.”

“What was he thinking, making you the best man?”

I shrug. “No clue.” The deejay calls for everyone to take a seat. “That’s my cue.”

I rush over toward Jackson and Catherine. She gives me a look. Aww, Kitty has the claws out. Jackson, of course is doing just as I expected, scowling. Yeah, be scared, Muff. I go around behind them so their faces have to remain smiling.

“Welcome, everyone. I’m so happy to be here to celebrate the marriage of two people I love dearly. Catherine and Jackson have come a long way. Most of you know that I’ve had the privilege of serving with Muffin here.” I clasp his shoulder. “We’ve worked together as civilians since then. He’s one of best guys I know, and somehow he managed to convince Catherine to marry him.” He laughs, and Catherine grits her teeth in a fake smile. “She’s the best. She’s so much smarter than he is. Clearly better looking.” I turn to Jackson. “Sorry, Muffin but let’s be real here. She beats you.” Everyone laughs. To think they were worried. “But to be serious, there are no two people in this world that deserve to be happier than these two. And I would know, because I’m ordained. So, with the power vested in me, I bless this marriage. May my holy power wrap Kitty and Muffin in its arms and hold them close. To Jackson and Catherine!”

I lean down as the clapping continues, along with a lot of laughing. I drop the mic and kiss them both on the cheek.

“You’re dead.” Jackson’s voice is barely audible.

“Your threats don’t bother me.”

Catherine stands, wraps her arms around me, and laughs. “I expected nothing less. I love you, Mark. Don’t screw up with her. This could be you in a year.”

I rear back as she smirks. She has a streak in her that people that forget about because of her little smile, but she knew it would screw with my head. “Nice one.”

Jackson wraps his arms around her and kisses her cheek. “You scared him, baby.”

“Nah . . .” She tilts back into him. “Just maybe opened his eyes a little.”

“Aww, group hug.” I laugh and pull them both into my arms. “Just because you’re married now, doesn’t mean you can’t still lust after me.”

Catherine, in true form, huffs without saying a word and heads to the dance floor.

Jackson and I stand while he watches her. “I’m happy for you, man.” He deserves it.

“Thanks.”

“I’m probably going to head back out soon. I’ve been following a lead that I think might be worth a look.”