I scrunch my brow, not sure I agree. Riley’s sent me enough cryptic messages lately to make me highly doubt that, to make me feel like she does want to be reached.

“Do you think that maybe—” I pause, not wanting to sound ridiculous, but then deciding not to care. I’ve already looked plenty ridiculous in front of Jude, so what’s one more time? “Do you think that maybe it’s not that she doesn’t want to come through but that she can’t come through?” He looks at me, about to speak when I lift my finger and say, “And I don’t mean can’t as in not able or can’t find a way to manage it, but more like, I don’t know, like, maybe she’s not allowed to come through? Maybe someone or something is stopping her?”

“Could be.” He shrugs, his shoulders rising and falling so casually, so easily I’m not sure if he really does agree or if he’s just humoring me. Wanting to spare my feelings from the cold, hard, unavoidable fact that my ghostly little sister has given up on me—that she’s too busy with her afterlife activities to come out and play. “Has she shown up in any more dreams?” he adds, voice more than inquisitive, bordering on hopeful.

“No,” I say, without a hint of hesitation, not wanting to think about that disturbing dream that I had where Damen was trapped behind glass and Riley stood off to the side, urging me to pay attention, to not look away.

“Wanna try to reach her now?” He looks at me, head cocked to the side.

But I just shake my head and sigh. I mean, sure I’d like to reach her—I’d like that very much. Who wouldn’t want a visit from their adorably feisty, dead little sister? But when I think about the state that I’m in, there’s no way I can do it. Even if she could help in some way, which I seriously doubt, but still, even if she could, I can’t stand for her to see me like this. I don’t want her to know what I’ve done. What I’ve become.

“I’m—I’m not really up for all that right now,” I say, clearing my throat.

Jude leans back in his chair, foot propped on his knee, gaze unrelenting, never once straying from mine. “What exactly are you up for?” he asks, forehead scrunched as though he’s truly concerned. “All you seem to do these days is work.” He drops his foot on the floor and leans toward me, anchoring his bandaged arms on the desk when he adds, “Do you even realize it’s summer out there? Summer in Laguna Beach! Half the population dreams of a sweet gig like that and you’ve barely taken notice. Believe me, if I weren’t so banged up, I’d be out there surfing and enjoying every spare moment I could get. Not to mention, and correct me if I’m wrong, but isn’t this your first summer here?”

I take a deep breath, remembering how last summer found me injured, hospitalized, newly orphaned, and burdened with psychic powers I couldn’t bear, naively thinking that’s as bad and weird as things could ever possibly get. Hardly able to believe it’s already been a year since my entire life changed.

“I can handle the store. Hell, I can even get myself to the doctor, who cares if I’m late? But please, do yourself a favor and take a break. There’s a whole world out there just waiting to be explored and with all the time you spend here indoors—well, it’s not healthy.”

I stand before him, a mess of shaking hands, trembling body, and ragged breath—a walking billboard for unhealthy living, desperately scoping the room for the first available exit.

“Ever? You okay?” He leans toward me.

I shake my head, unable to answer, unable to speak. Roman is out there. I can feel him drawing near. Having just left the store and wandering the village streets, headed right in my vicinity. And I know it’s just a matter of time, maybe another minute, two at the most, and the old me will be gone, completely succumbed to the monster within.

I grip the edge of the desk, knuckles protruding, bony and white, fighting to steady myself, horrified at being seen like this, and needing to get away before it’s too late—

Slipping around the desk so quickly I’m at Jude’s side well before he can blink. My fingers clutching the graying white plaster that circles his arm, having no choice but to say, “If you want me to take you, we need to go now—it can’t wait!”

He struggles to stand, a worried expression marring his face as he looks me over and says, “Ever, no offense, but I’m not sure I want to get in the car with you. You seem a little—unhinged—to say the least.” He rubs his lips together and shakes his head, leveling those sea-green eyes right on mine in an attempt to connect, but it’s no use. I’m lost, drowning, almost gone— “Seriously, I think you should step outside, get some fresh air, and take some deep breaths—really, you’ll be amazed how much better you’ll feel.”

And as nice as that sounds, as well-meaning as he is, I know better. Outside is the last place I should be. That’s where Roman is, drawing closer, closer by the second. Besides, that wasn’t exactly what I meant when I said we should go. And even though I haven’t really stopped to think it through, haven’t really considered the full list of pros and cons since I first got the idea a few days ago, there’s no time to waste, we’re going, the two of us, because no matter what happens there, staying here will be worse.

With my heart crashing, my pulse thrumming, and Roman drawing insistently near—I grip Jude’s cast tighter, hoping against hope I can still pull this off now that everything else has failed me.