“What do you mean?” I ask as he sits by my side.

“He wasn’t himself. We all chalked it up to the fertility stuff or other stress at home. He didn’t talk to us much on a good day,” he laughs.

Aaron was always quiet. He lived in his head a lot because of the Navy, but even before that, he wasn’t overly social. With me, it was a little different. We both knew what buttons to push and how to make the other lose it.

“After we got back from the mission where we lost Brian, Fernando, and Devon . . . I don’t think any of us were right. I’m, you know . . . me,” he pauses and I smile. “Jackson had Maddie, and we know he didn’t handle it well, but Aaron was just quiet. I figured it was him dealing with it. I feel like we all failed each other.”

Mark pours his heart out, and for the first time, I really try to see when it all happened. That mission destroyed and bonded the three of them. Aaron, Mark, and Jackson all left the Navy after that. Aaron was injured, but he finished his enlistment. He went through his therapy and never spoke about it. I just assumed he was dealing with it.

“I think I’m as much to blame for that. After all of that, having a baby became my only goal. If he died, I would have something of him,” I sigh and look away.

“Forgive yourself, Lee. We all make choices and some of them aren’t the best, but in the end, none of us are perfect. Aaron made some pretty shitty decisions, but you don’t have to bear his demons—he has to,” he squeezes my hand. “Now, about our beautiful bundle of joy . . .”

My hand rubs my stomach and I get choked up. “I don’t even know if I can be pregnant, let alone carry. You have to promise me you’ll keep your mouth shut.” I look at him as fear begins to swirl. If I’m pregnant by some miracle, there’s no guarantee I can carry full term.

He raises his hands. “I won’t say a word.”

“I’m serious. Liam has been out of touch a few days, and again, I don’t think this is possible.” I start to tremble.

“Hey,” he wraps his arm around me. “Relax. We’ll see what the doctor says and go from there.”

I focus on staying calm and wait for the OBGYN to come for a consult. My mind wanders to Liam and how he’ll feel about me being pregnant. We never used protection because I never thought this was a possibility. Mark stays with me, and of course, continues to drive me insane.

We talk about the investigation into Cole Security Forces and how he found something suspicious in the files. He explains how he’ll be heading out of town a little more often to check on things.

“Charlie and I are working together on some leads,” Mark says absently.

“Mrs. Gilcher, I’m Dr. Wynn.” He enters and heads over with my chart. Mark stands and shakes his hand.

“I’m going to step out and call the office . . . let them know you’re alive,” Mark winks and I nod.

“Do you want to wait for your husband?” the doctor asks, looking perplexed at the fact he left.

I scoot up and shake my head. “No, he’s just a friend.”

“Okay, I ran your labs again and you are in fact pregnant,” he confirms.

My lips turn and my heart races. I’m going to have a baby—Liam’s baby. “I have a lot of history.” I attempt to rein it in. The bottom line is that I’ve lost a hell of a lot more babies than I’ve given birth to. I know the pain that comes along with getting excited or being hopeful. I need to make sure I don’t get too far ahead of myself.

I go over my past fertility issues and miscarriages. He listens patiently as I give details and start to get slightly emotional. I explain that the baby’s father is overseas and how I need to be certain everything is okay. The big mystery is how pregnant am I. Because I don’t have regular cycles, I could be a few weeks, or I could be a few months.

Dr. Wynn steps to the side of the bed. “Well, I’d like to do an ultrasound and see how far along you are. Then we can get you set up with your doctor, but at least we’ll get a good idea today. Sound good?”

I brace myself and let out a deep shaky breath. This is it. “Let’s do this.”

“I’m just pointing out you’re whipped,” Quinn razzes me as we unload the gear. It’s been two weeks since I’ve heard her voice. Two long weeks where I’ve wondered and worried. All the damn shit I swore I wouldn’t do.

Our simple in and out mission was of course delayed once we got boots on the ground. I’m tired, irritable, and need to see her.

“At least I’m not calling and going to voicemail.”

Quinn shouldn’t talk shit considering he’s called Ashton at least five times and she refuses to answer. But the asshat keeps trying.

“She’ll come around.”

“Whatever . . . I’d rather be whipped than a pussy who can’t get the girl.”

He snuffs, “I am what I eat.”

We both laugh and finish with the offload. Unfortunately, I still have a ton of shit to do before I can even be close to calling home. There’s a stack of paperwork with my name on it.

After about three hours of mindless crap and a debrief with the Commander, I head back to my barracks. Luckily, I have my own room and don’t have to deal with anyone. I want to sleep for days, but tomorrow we have another meeting for an upcoming mission and need to prepare.

I grab my phone and pray to God the Wi-Fi isn’t going to give me shit today.

“Liam?” her voice is sleepy, and I would give my left nut to be able to touch her.

“Hi, sweetheart.”

“Hi, are you okay?” she asks disoriented. I look at the clock for the first time and feel like shit. It’s three a.m. her time.

“I’m sorry I woke you. I just got back to my room and missed you.”

She groans and I picture her stretching. “I miss you. I’m awake.”

“Go back to bed,” I give her an out.

“Liam Dempsey, shut your face and talk to me.”

“Kinda counterproductive there, isn’t it?” I joke and smile, lying back down.

If I close my eyes, I can pretend I’m with her. The silence stretches between us as I imagine myself holding her.

“Everything okay?” Her quiet voice soothes me.

“Now it is.”

The mission was one thing after another. And I’ll be gone a lot more frequently as there’s movement again in Africa. My team is the most ready to handle that region and the other team is already tasked to another area. I don’t want to fucking think about it.

“Good.” She sounds wary. “How long will we be in touch for?”

“Not long. I swear this deployment is going to destroy me,” I admit to her. “I can’t fucking handle the bullshit. Every time I get something in place, something goes wrong. My mind is all over the place, and I’m snapping at everyone. I swear one more person adds something to my plate, and I’m going to lose it.”

“You seem overwhelmed.” Her voice rings of defeat. But why?

“What’s wrong, Lee?” Her long pause does nothing to calm me. I hear her sigh and my adrenaline spikes. “Natalie,” I say, sitting up.

“Nothing’s wrong. I’m fine.”