“I’ll do my best to keep in touch with you. You know once we go to wherever we’re needed, I won’t be able to, but I’ll do everything I can to let you know it’s coming. It just depends on how long we’ll be in Germany before heading to whatever hellhole we’re needed in,” he says before kissing the top of my head.

“Yeah, last time Aaron went to Germany he was only on a mission for two weeks. It’s so hard for most wives to understand these new deployments. I mean, just send you guys from here. I hated when he’d be gone for what felt like no reason.” Liam stays quiet and I wonder if I’ve upset him. I lean up and see him looking off. “Liam?”

He looks back and gives a small smile. “I know you were married to him. I get it, but right now, it feels different when you talk about your life with him. Maybe I’m a prick, but before when we thought he was dead, it didn’t feel like I was competing as much as I am now.”

“You weren’t then, and you aren’t now.” My voice rings strong with honesty.

“I’m having to adjust to the fact that when you think of him, he’s sleeping in your house.”

“I can’t just kick him out. Regardless of what he did and who I choose, he’s Aarabelle’s father. He’s been through hell and back, and he was my husband,” I speak the words measuredly. I know he’s not asking me to kick him out, and I can’t imagine how hard this is for Liam.

“This is why I thought we should take a break during the deployment,” Liam says and lets out a heavy sigh.

I sit up and wait for him to turn his gaze back to me. “Is that what you need?”

He waits and closes his eyes. “I don’t know. I don’t want that. I honestly don’t know how the fuck I’m going to be thousands of miles away and not wonder.”

“Do you trust me?” I ask.

Liam grips my hand and tangles his fingers with mine. “I trust you, Lee. But I’m a guy and you being in a house with another guy—one that wants you back—is a lot to carry. Imagine knowing I was going to be with someone I loved once.”

I glance at our intertwined fingers and decide that I have to make this easier for him. We both have a lot of fears we’re dealing with and the only thing worse than not being with him is having something happen to him. I would never be able to handle that again. If he were to not make it back home, it would be the end of my heart.

“Maybe we can have tomorrow’s goodbye be easier on both of us?”

“How?”

“Know that I love you and every moment you’re away you have half my heart with you. And when you come home, you’ll make me whole again. I don’t want you to worry about Aaron, and we’ll handle everything so when you come home we can move forward,” I say with conviction. I need him to believe me, because it’s the truth.

Liam links his fingers with mine. “I’m a lucky son of a bitch.”

“Yeah, you are,” I joke with him. “There’s a part of me I never knew was missing until you came along. I thought I had it all. I really believed my life was perfect because it was easier than seeing the cracks. If things hadn’t happened the way they did, I wouldn’t know a love like this exists. I wish we could be . . .” I pause as I remember how hard this is for him. “I just want you home already.”

“And when I come back, if you still want me, then I’ll do everything in the world to make you mine.”

I press my fingers against his cheek. “I look forward to that.”

“Me too.”

“Ready, asshole?” Quinn slaps my back as Natalie and I stand here looking at each other. “Wheels up in ten.”

I nod and grip her hands. Even though she didn’t want to come to the airport, she said she couldn’t leave me at the apartment. This is the first time I’ll leave someone behind. Even though we are in a good place, it feels like I’m leaving my life behind. She’s everything I need. I love her more than I can ever explain. All I can do is pray when I get home, she’ll be fully ready to move forward. And if she chooses him, then I’ll know what six months apart feels like. Maybe that’ll make it more bearable.

I’m fooling myself, but I know we’ll be called up and I need to be ready. It’s not just my ass on the line, it’s the men in my team.

“Hey,” she says drawing my attention back. “I’m going to miss you.” A tear forms, but she wipes it before it can fall.

“No tears. You’ll make me have to kiss you.” I try to joke and lighten the moment.

Her laugh is short and then she looks down. “Maybe I should cry then.”

“Lee,” I pull her chin toward me. Her blue eyes look gray and hollow. “You have no idea how much I’m going to wish I was here with you. Usually, I love deployments, but I can already tell I’m going to hate this one.”

Her perfect lips attempt to smile. “I need to say this,” she hesitates. “If you . . . I mean . . . if you get lonely . . .” She gnaws on her bottom lip and looks away, but I turn her face back.

“If I get lonely?” I know what she wants to say, but I’m going to make her say the words. First, it’s keeping my mind off the fact that I’m going to touch her lips for the last time in a few minutes. Second, it’s kind of cute.

“Just tell me. Please don’t let me find out the other way. If you meet someone and you fall in love or whatever . . .”

“If I get lonely, how about I call or email you?”

Her eyes snap up. “That would work.”

“Good,” I say and lean down so she hears me clearly. “No one is going to fill the void of you. There’s no woman in the world that will be able to make me forget you.” I hope she hears the conviction in my words, because there’s no one else. Selfishly, I want to add on, “Unlike your husband.”

The announcement comes over, “Three minutes. Say your goodbyes.”

Natalie’s chin quivers, and her hands grip my shirt. “I hate this.”

“I do too, but remember our trip. Remember what I said. I love you.”

She pulls me close against her and my arms are locked around her. I want to hold on to how it feels right now. When the nights get long and I need to feel peace, I want to have this moment. And if God forbid she decides she can’t do this again . . .

“Be safe, be smart, and please come home to me,” Natalie says quickly. “I love you, Liam. You can’t even begin to know how much you own my heart. I wish this were different right now. I wish you had no doubt that you’re who I want, but I’ll prove it. I’ll show you that in six months when you come home, I’ll be standing here waiting for you.” Tears fall and once again my heart breaks.

“And then I’m going to marry you.”

“I’m going to hold you to it.”

“I’ll call you as soon as I can,” I promise.

She nods and presses her lips to me. “Okay.”

“And then we can naked Skype,” I smile.

She shakes her head and kisses me again. “You can keep your eggroll in your pants.”

“And I’ll be home as soon as I can,” I assure her.