“They are what they are.”

“You are a liar.” Reanell laughs and puts her head on her hand. “It’s me. No need to fool me.”

“I can’t do anything about either. I’m still upset about the affair. I was pregnant and he slept with someone else. We’d been trying to have Aarabelle for so long and I know it took a toll on us, but still,” I pause as it all comes boiling back up. “I can’t even pinpoint when things might’ve happened.”

The hair on the back of my neck stands. I can’t explain what has my senses heightened, but I look around, trying to see if I’m being watched.

“What is it?” Rea asks and looks around too.

“I don’t know, I just got a weird feeling.” I look around again but I don’t recognize anyone.

We enjoy our lunch and I tell her about Aarabelle’s birthday party. She laughs and tells me I’m going overboard, but knows there’s no stopping me. I want to celebrate where we’ve come in a year. Aara may not know the life she’s had isn’t exactly sunshine and roses, but she’s had a life filled with love.

“I gotta get back to work,” I say and put a ten-dollar bill down. “The guys are all leaving and I need to make sure everything is in order.”

“First, you’re going to sit here and tell me about the sex.” She crosses her arms and waits expectantly.

I thought I’d gotten away with it, but apparently not.

“I really don’t have to tell you anything.” My smile fades almost immediately when I look at the end of the bar and Brittany is sitting there. “I’m leaving,” I inform her and start to grab my bag.

“Why?” Rea looks and sees her.

Brittany looks over and stands.

Anger flows through my veins. I walk over to her and she averts her eyes. “Don’t look away. Are you following me?”

“Following you? No!” she says and goes to gather her things. “I swear, I don’t want to cause trouble.”

“What do you want?” I ask, because this is the part that still gets me. She wanted me to know about her and Aaron. She could’ve let me go on living my ignorant life, but instead, she made me aware. “I’m trying to move on from all of this, but it’s obvious we’re going to see each other.”

Brittany leans against the chair and sighs. “I want to move on with my life, but there’s a lot causing me not to.”

“I feel the same.”

“Look, I didn’t want to tell you. I didn’t set out for you to find out, but don’t you see? I’m the same as you. I’m in pain.” She nearly chokes on the last word.

“I wish I could say I care . . . but I don’t.”

“I know you don’t care and I wish I wasn’t the other woman. I just don’t know how to move on . . .” she admits and her eyes fill with tears.

Reanell stands behind me and places her hand on my shoulder.

“Can you answer some questions for me?” I ask. I can’t even believe I’m entertaining the idea of talking to her, but maybe we can both find a way to move past this.

“I can try.”

“When did you start seeing him?”

She looks away and then back to me as she tries to collect herself. “We were together about a year before he died. We met at a bar and started talking.”

“Wow.” It’s as if I’ve been punched in the gut. He was seeing her when we were trying to get pregnant. “When did you find out about me?” I look at her and wait for the answer that has bothered me since I found out.

Brittany pushes her blonde hair behind her shoulder. “A few weeks before he died. When I found out I was pregnant.”

My eyes snap up and I fight back the nausea that threatens to escape. “Pregnant?” I ask looking down at her stomach.

“Yes, I was eight weeks pregnant when I lost the baby.” She looks at me with sadness in her eyes.

I grasp my throat and try to breathe. “I-I don’t . . .” I’m not sure what to say. “When?”

“I lost the baby a week after he died.”

And the hits keep coming.

So she would’ve had a baby with my husband. Awesome. After three failed pregnancies and countless months of infertility, I find this out. Each time I start to think this can’t get any worse, it does.

“I think I’m going to be sick.” I turn to Reanell and she pulls me into her arms.

“I love him. I wasn’t just some girl.”

I turn and look at her. “Yes, you were. He didn’t tell you he was married. He never told me about you. The man you loved was a lie. I’ve known him since he was sixteen. I went to his senior prom, was at his boot camp graduation, married him. You weren’t his life.” I spew the words out.

“You weren’t either,” Brittany rebuts.

I wish I could argue with her. I wish I could yell and scream, but she’s right. I wasn’t his life. I was his wife who got pregnant and maybe trapped him.

Brittany wipes her eyes and rights herself. “I’m sorry. I should go.”

Reanell steps forward. “I know you’re hurting, but this,” she points to me, “Isn’t the right way.”

Brittany starts to walk away and I grab her arm. The words taste like vinegar on my tongue. I fight with myself whether to say them, but I’ve lost a child. I know the pain and how hard I held on to each loss as my own personal failure. Each baby that didn’t make it ate at me. “I’m sorry you lost a child,” I say as tears fall.

The tears she had stopped start to flow and slide down her cheek. She doesn’t say a word as she gathers her bag and leaves.

“A baby,” is all I can say as Reanell pulls me into her arms. “She was going to have his baby.”

Two weeks pass and I do my best to put Brittany and her bomb to the back of my mind. Liam has been gone, so it’s given me time to grieve the news in my own way. I’ve come to some kind of peace regarding it, although I don’t know I’ll ever completely be at peace with it. I hate myself for being relieved she lost the baby. It’s not something I’m proud of, but Reanell has been great with helping me understand my feelings.

This last training session was supposed to be three days, but they extended it to seven so they could get some shooting qualifications. I don’t miss this shit.

He came home late last night and had a lot to finish, so we agreed for a late dinner tonight.

“Hey, sweetheart,” Liam says as he comes in the kitchen with a bag of Chinese food. I can smell the yumminess.

“My hero.” I give a dramatic sigh and clutch my chest. “Did you get me an eggroll?”

“Do I get a prize if I did?”

“You get a kiss and maybe I’ll get naked for you.”

“Maybe?” he asks with a raised brow.

“Fine, you’ll get nookie if I get an eggroll,” I acquiesce.

Liam digs through the bag and his face says it all. They forgot the eggroll. Ha! I’m so going to make him pay for this.

“Eggroll, Dreamboat.” I put my hand out waiting. He continues to dig.

“If I don’t get laid because there’s no fucking eggroll, I’m going to kill someone,” he says out loud and I smile.