Again, a part of my heart breaks, but this time for Liam. This thing between us isn’t easy for me, but I never thought about how it would be for him. I wonder if we’re doomed from the start. I don’t know if it’s even possible for the two of us to have a chance at this. There aren’t simply two scarred hearts trying to find a way. There’s also a ghost between us.

“I don’t know how to do this,” I reply honestly.

“Me either. That’s why I said we take this slow. You can talk to me though. If you’re missing him or if you want to talk about him. He’s not an off-limit topic. You never mention him with me. Why?” Liam grabs my hands as we sit in this beautiful restaurant and people look at us. He doesn’t waver from me. Instead, he kneels on the ground, holding my hand, while I have a mini breakdown.

I pull my hands from his and rest them upon his face. The short beard he keeps is trimmed and it tickles my hand. I brush my thumb back and forth and stifle the emotions that were stirring. I lean forward and kiss his lips gently. “Thank you.”

His brows set into a straight line and looks away. “I don’t know what for. I made you cry again . . . which I begged you never to do again. Although,” he stops and gives a quick laugh, “You tend to kiss me when you cry, so maybe I should rethink this. But you didn’t answer my question.”

“I don’t know. I feel like it’s wrong to talk about him with you. I loved him so much and now I have these feelings for you and . . .” I trail off unsure of what to say.

Liam’s eyes never falter. He stays trained on me, waiting for me to finish. “You need to tell me because I promise I can’t read your mind. I can try. I can read your body. I can tell right now you’re nervous. Your heart is racing, your eyes are shifting, and the way you’re stuttering tells me everything I need to know. But I don’t know what is going on in your mind or your heart.”

“I just wish he was here, and then when I’m with you, I don’t think about him so much. It makes me feel like I’m a horrible wife.”

“You’re not horrible. I don’t think what we’re doing is horrible. Neither of us thought we’d be here. I think with my good looks and charm you were doomed.” Liam winks and his mood shifts to playful.

I laugh and wipe my face with the napkin. “You’re a mess. Now please get off the floor and let’s have dinner.”

Liam returns to his seat and I place my hand out asking for his in return. He wants me to lead this and right now his touch soothes me. I’m not going to think about why that is, I’m just going to enjoy it. This is our time tonight and I want to be in the moment for the remainder of it.

“Okay, let’s just enjoy our date,” Liam says as the waitress walks over.

Liam orders practically everything off the menu. I swear he’s feeding someone under the table. No human can consume this much food. By the time dinner is served, I’m totally full but he’s still going.

I joke with him about his appetite and laugh as he tells me the stories from their training mission. Some of the guys Aaron was close with are still in the teams. I know their wives and families and it takes me back a little. I’ve missed these stories.

“How’s work going?” Liam asks.

“Good. I got promoted again. I swear it’s the fastest anyone’s ever gone from entry-level to management in history,” I say and take a bite of my lobster.

“Muffin’s a smart guy. I’m sure you were never hired with the expectation of staying entry-level,” Liam says as he sits back. “What do they have you doing now?”

I put my fork down and take a deep breath. I know Liam said Aaron isn’t off limits, but I still feel uncomfortable. On the other hand, Liam deserves to know in some way too. “I’m doing all their mission prep. I’ll handle all the logistics and make sure everything is properly staffed and they have all their supplies. Which apparently was the issue that sent Aaron to Afghanistan to begin with. But today I learned some other stuff . . .” I trail off.

“Like?” Liam’s hand covers mine. It’s as if he knows I need the extra support.

“They’re investigating Aaron’s death. I mean . . . I don’t know what they’re going to find. It was pretty clear-cut to me. It was an IED . . . what is there to investigate?” I ask and Liam’s eyes move a tiny bit to the left. I wouldn’t normally care, but I know that’s his tell. “Liam?”

“Look, I thought all along something wasn’t right. I mean, not the IED . . . that stuff is common, but then when Jackson got shot over there, it was a red flag for me. That region wasn’t on our radar, but then two Cole Security guys were injured or killed? I don’t know. It’s the skeptical part of me that questions it,” Liam says and links our fingers.

“Should I be worried?”

Liam squeezes my hand. “I wouldn’t be okay with you working there if I didn’t think it was safe. I’d make up some bullshit and sabotage it. There’s no way I’d let you be in danger, and neither would Jackson or Mark.”

I take a deep breath and release it. He’s right. No one would ever put me in harm’s way, but the questions nag at me.

“Okay, you ready?” Liam asks as he has me blindfolded for our next part of the date. I focus on everything around me. I can smell hay or maybe it’s just that clean, open air . . . I think. I can’t place it, but there’s no noise at all. It’s completely quiet. I breathe in again, and grass and flowers register.

“Where are we?”

I feel him behind me. He stands there not touching me, but I can feel the heat of his body. It sheaths me and the anticipation builds. I lean back so I feel him and he chuckles.

His hands graze my bare arms as the tips of his fingers glide across my skin. My head falls back on his shoulder and my breathing accelerates. “When I was stationed here the first time, I found this place. It’s where I came after we kissed. I come here when I need to remember how small I am in this world.” Liam breathes against my neck. “Sometimes our problems feel so big that we forget how to be grounded and humble.” His hands move to my shoulders. The touch is tender and sensual.

He unties the blindfold and my eyes adjust. It’s pitch black except for the stars and moon above us. It illuminates the beauty that I’m surrounded by. Trees line the field and tall grass encompasses the entire area. It’s untouched except for the small circular patch we stand in. Liam’s arms wrap around me from behind and I take it in. “Wow,” I breathe. “It’s so beautiful and yet so desolate.”

“You’re not alone,” he says, and I sag into him. My head rests against his chest as he holds me tight. “No matter what happens, you’ll have me. As a friend or whatever this becomes or doesn’t.”

“It scares me. I feel like it’s so soon. I miss him still, Liam.” I turn in his arms so I can see his profile. “I loved him my whole life and the idea of moving on terrifies me. I don’t know that I won’t get gun shy and pull away.”

His hands cradle my face. “I’ll never push you. I know he was your world. I saw the love you two shared and I would be full of shit if I said it doesn’t scare me. You’re supposed to be untouchable, and yet here you are in my arms. I don’t know if I’m lucky or a fucking idiot. I just know that when we’re together, it feels right. It feels like we’re supposed to be.”