“So? That doesn’t mean I can’t celebrate now. Come on, Jay.”

Frost bit at Josiah’s insides. “Can you not call me that?”

Elliot sighed. “Another one of those things that you won’t tell me about, have probably never told anyone about, that will eventually eat you alive, huh?”

Josiah couldn’t help but crack a grin. “Shut up.”

“Come on, Josiah. It’s not a big party or anything. Just a few friends. You never know, you might even like some of them. I know I’m a great guy, but you might find you actually enjoy having friends other than me.”

This time Josiah let out a real laugh. A voice in his head told him Elliot was right. He needed to do this. “Yeah...okay. Sure. I’ll be there soon.”

The bus showed up a little late, so it took Josiah longer to get to Elliot’s than he planned. His stomach rolled with nerves but he made himself ignore them. It would be a night out with a friend, and nothing more.

About two seconds after he knocked, Elliot jerked the door open. “I thought you changed your mind.”

“Nah. The bus was late.” Josiah shook his head, slowly stepping inside the apartment. His eyes traveled the room, wanting to get a good look at everyone who was there. It was something Mateo would have done. Always pay attention. He tried to do that all the time now.

There were twelve people here not counting Josiah and Elliot. Elliot walked him around the room, introducing him to everyone there. He stood in the corner while everyone talked and laughed. Music played in the background. He wasn’t sure of the song, but still Josiah focused on the beat, needed the steady sound to keep him distracted.

This wasn’t him. He didn’t feel right around all these people his age, joking around and drinking because they just graduated college.

What would it have been like to have one of their lives? To have grown up with friends, and his own parents? To have gone to school?

“Josiah, I want you to meet my brother, Dylan. Dylan, this is Josiah.” Elliot smiled at him and winked. Josiah immediately felt his cheeks warm.

“Hey, nice to finally meet you. Elliot’s told me a lot about you.” Dylan grinned at him. Dylan, with big, blue eyes. Dylan, with a happy smile. Dylan, who Josiah knew was also gay.

“Yeah...you, too.”

“Oh, I have to go talk to Lacey real quick. I’ll be right back.” Elliot disappeared before Josiah could say a word.

Dylan laughed. “My little brother’s real smooth. No one would ever guess he’s trying to play matchmaker. You work with him at the coffee house, right?” Dylan moved closer to the wall so he stood next to Josiah. When he did, his arm brushed against him.

“Yeah...” Why would Elliot do this to him? He knew Josiah didn’t want to meet anyone. His heart began to drum.

“What do you like to do? For fun?” Dylan asked.

Then all he saw were dark brown eyes. Smooth, brown skin. Felt a hand on his head, though it wasn’t right because he didn’t have hair anymore.

And because Mateo wasn’t really there. “I have to go.”

Josiah took a step, but then Dylan’s hand landed on his shoulder. He flinched, and almost ran, before focusing on the room and realizing he wasn’t in that alley.

“Did I do something wrong?”

Josiah shook his head. “No. I just... I have to go.”

Dylan’s hand fell as Josiah walked away. His heart didn’t slow down until he was locked in his apartment. He didn’t want to meet anyone. Ever. Not when he’d only lose them.

His heart would always belong to Teo, anyway.

Chapter Four

Tristan

“I’m going to have to call you back.” Tristan Croft didn’t bother with hello. The voice on the other end of the line laughed.

“What are you even doing up this early? I expected to leave a message,” Ben said. “Never mind. This is Tristan I’m talking to. I don’t know what I was thinking. If I remember correctly, you never sleep. Moving out West didn’t help your workaholic tendencies, did it?”

“I have to go.” Despite the sun having just risen a few minutes ago, Tristan had been awake for hours. Ben was right about that.

“I don’t suppose you’d tell me why? You know, now that we’re not fucking, live on opposite sides of the US, and are supposed to be friends? It might be easier to talk to a friend rather than a boyfriend. You can let some of whatever you’re always holding in off your chest.”

Tristan pulled his BMW into a parking spot and killed the engine. After giving Ben a humorless laugh, he said, “Now come on, Ben. You know we were never boyfriends.”