He jumped, muffling a curse, as he covered my mouth again. “Stop it!”

Derek emerged again, shutting the door once more as he joined us in the hallway. He handed Jesse a piece of paper. “She said it’ll open the back door, but don’t go until the hour mark. I guess they got a security guard to make the rounds. She doesn’t know when he walks through, but he always has to be at his office on the hour mark.”

“Thanks.” Jesse took the paper and glanced at his watch. “We can go now. I’ll get her in right away.”

“Hey, man.”

Derek stopped him, a twinge of concern in his voice.

“Yeah?”

“Secrets get out, Jess. This one will get out too. I don’t know who she is, but I know that’s her brother downstairs.”

I’d been giggling softly into his chest, but at that, they turned to sobs. I couldn’t stop and I didn’t even know why I was crying, but I was. Jesse stiffened, but his hand cupped the back of my head and his hold turned from controlling to sympathetic. He bent low to my ear and whispered, “Ssh, Alex. Hold it together, just for a little while.”

I tried. Drawing in a deep breath, filtered through his shirt, I tried to quench the hysteria unleashed inside of me. No avail. More sobs burst from me and I doubled over into Jesse’s chest. Tears trickled from my eyes and I couldn’t stop them. He bent over and lifted me in his arms.

“She okay?” Derek asked.

There was no response. Jesse carried me back downstairs. When he stepped through to the kitchen, I heard, “Oh shit. What the f**k’s wrong with her?”

Cord’s voice was closer, quieter. “What happened?”

“Breakdown.”

“Dump her on the streets. Why do we have to take care of all the emotional chicks?”

“Jamie!”

“What? I’m just saying. Make sure there are no pics on her phone. I can see her turning around and claiming rape or some other crazy shit. Look at her. She’s nuts.”

“Go to bed, Jamie.” The irritation settled in Jesse’s chest as he went rigid against me. His hands tightened on me. I knew the signs. He was gearing up for a fight. His roommate had two seconds before Jesse was going to let loose on him.

Pushing past the pain that was blinding me, I looked up and touched the side of his face. When I felt moisture on his cheek, I withdrew my fingers. Surprised, I saw what must’ve been tears on the tip of my finger. Jesse had shed a few of his own tears. He looked down, a mirror of my agony clouding his face. I held my breath. He understood.

“Go to bed, Jamie. Go and get laid by your woman,” Cord growled at him.

“Get laid?” He smirked back. “More like get shot down you mean.”

“Go.”

“All right, all right. Why are you two worked up? You’re like girls. Seriously.”

“Jamie.”

“I’m going.” He lifted his arms in the air, surrendering his defeat as he left the room and disappeared up the stairs.

Cord came closer and softened his voice, “I’m sorry for my dig. I didn’t realize you’d get hurt by that, Alex.”

“Too late, ass**le. You go to bed too.”

“Yeah, yeah. Alex, we’ll finish the paper tomorrow night.” He chuckled. “Maybe at the library instead.”

I wanted to say something back. I wasn’t sure what. Maybe a reassurance or a question, I didn’t know, but I couldn’t. The emotions were too fresh and raw inside of me so I laid my head back down and stayed still. The agony that blasted me had lessened, just a bit, but enough so I wasn’t crying so loudly anymore. But when Jesse glanced down, his concern didn’t let up, and I felt more tears sliding down my face.

I wasn’t going to be normal. Ethan’s death had started the change, but my parent’s abandonment stamped it in place.

The realization sunk down, like an anchor to my soul. I knew, as Jesse turned and started down the stairs for the basement, that I would have to pretend to be normal from now on. People couldn’t see the mess inside of me. They’d want nothing to do with me.

When Jesse went to his room and put me on the bed, I knew he intended for us to sleep together that night. I couldn’t let that happen. He’d seen too much. He couldn’t see the rest, not when I was in this fragile of a state.

“Take me home.” My throat was hoarse.

“Stay. Please.”

I shook my head, more tears slipped free. “Take me home.”

“Alex,” he sighed. “I’m sorry. Is this because of before? I’m sorry I was so rough. I just—I’m sorry. I won’t do that again.”

“It’s not. It’s…” I hesitated. What answer would be accepted by him? “It’s because of Ethan. I want to go back and be alone.”

His arms tightened around me. “But that’s not what we did before. When it got too much, we were together. Remember?”

But we weren’t. Our old tradition had stopped when I left him in Vegas. Ethan’s anniversary passed by and I’d been alone from everyone at that time. Since coming to school, there was no routine for Jesse and me. Maybe this was the time to start the break. Maybe it wouldn’t hurt as much if we slowly faded our time together.

I shook my head as my heart was breaking. “I just want to go home.”

Expecting more of a fight from him, I was surprised when he gave in. He let me down to my feet and I followed as he took us out to his car. The ride to my dorm was quiet. And when he parked in the back lot, we waited until the hour mark before getting out. As he climbed out of his side, I looked over. “What are you doing?”

A thin smile graced his features. He tossed his keys in the air and caught them in a swift movement. “Oh. I brought you home. That’s fine and dandy.”

There was a but. I waited for it.

“But I’m not leaving you alone.”

“Jesse.”

“Nope. If it comes to it, I’m prepared to walk through the front lobby. I don’t care. And I certainly don’t care about keeping this secret anymore. I’m going up there with you, whether you want that or not.”

I glowered at him, but I couldn’t deny the pitter-patter my heart was doing in my chest.

“Alex.”

“Fine.” Glaring at him, I felt like baring my teeth. Why did he push me so much? Why did he care so much? “You always say I’m going to be the death of you, but it’s the other way around.”