After quickly punching out a text to Mason telling him not to come back tonight, Jeremiah reaches past my shoulder to turn off his lamp, then spoons me. The party downstairs is still going strong, but the sound of his heartbeat is louder, especially when I twine my fingers with his and kiss him good night over my shoulder.

A CHANGE OF PACE

“Somebody didn’t come home last night,” Vanessa sings.

For lunch on Sunday, I go to the dining hall with Kelsey and Vanessa, and Vanessa wants to know everything.

Kelsey points at me with her fork. “You disappeared upstairs at the party pretty quick.”

“Did you and Colton have a nice time?” I ask to delay this conversation.

Kelsey shakes her head. “I started talking to this guy John about an econ paper I have to write—he’s a TA in my class. Colton didn’t bother to let me introduce him, so I guess he assumed I was interested in John…” She takes a deep breath. “So Colton left the party with some floozy.”

“I’m sorry, Kels,” I reply, unable to believe Colton would leave with another girl. Vanessa gives her a side hug while I wonder if he only pretended to hook up. I can’t imagine him having eyes for anybody else, not even, like, a Victoria’s Secret model.

Kelsey shrugs. “So what happened with Jeremiah?”

I push salad around on my plate. “We kissed.”

“And then you slept over?” Vanessa asks hurriedly.

“Nothing really happened. We just made out.”

“Are y’all together now then?” Kelsey asks.

I shake my head. “He said he could wait until I’m ready.”

“But you are ready to sleep over and kiss him?” Kelsey goes on, sounding pissed.

“What’s your problem?”

“My problem is that you’re leading him on.”

“I’m not leading him on. I’ve been honest with him this entire time. If anybody’s leading somebody on, it’s you with Colton.”

She scowls, and it wouldn’t surprise me if steam came out of her ears. “You really like Jeremiah. I don’t see why you can’t admit it.”

“I don’t see why you can’t give Colton a chance.”

People at the surrounding tables have stopped talking. A small crowd stands nearby, listening in.

“Chick fight,” a random guy says, bumping fists with a friend.

“Ugh,” Kelsey exclaims.

Vanessa shoos the eavesdropping guys away, then picks up her tray. “Y’all need to talk. And I’ve got a study group for world politics.” She leaves us there alone.

“Look,” I say. “I’m sorry if I went too far with Colton. I shouldn’t guess to know how you feel.”

“You’re right. You shouldn’t. We haven’t been friends in years.”

I rip the crust off my sandwich. I had hoped that we were getting back to where we once were. Before high school. Before life took over.

“I’m sorry I stopped coming over to your house back then, but I want to be your friend now,” I say.

“Why? Why am I suddenly good enough for you? Is it because your boyfriend’s gone? Is that it?”

Did she really say that?

“No, Kels.” I take a shaky breath through my anger. “It’s because I’ve missed you for a long time. Since eighth grade, when you became better friends with Vanessa than me. I missed you even after you told everyone that I started dating Kyle even though you liked him. You know I wouldn’t have done that, Kelsey. Why did you wait to say something until Kyle and I had been going out for months? We were in love by that point…and I wouldn’t dump him for no reason, for a friend who hadn’t spoken to me in forever.”

“Because…I wanted to hurt you,” she says quietly. “Your life was so perfect…and you just left me behind for a boy.”

“I felt like you left me behind when your mom got married and you moved into a new house while I was still in Oakdale. I didn’t feel good enough for you anymore.”

We sit in silence, pushing our salad around on our plates.

I pull a deep breath. I should’ve tried harder to keep our friendship back then. “I want to be friends. Here, right now. I care about you. I don’t know how I’m going to make it through college without my friend.”

“I missed you too. I still do.”

“Then let’s start over.”

There’s a long pause before she picks her fork up and scoops her rice. “So you spent the night at Jeremiah’s?”