My dreams were often filled with nightmares. Some I remembered, but more often forgotten. Glimpses of memories mixed with horror. It was my wife. Always my wife.

But something shifted one night.

“You’re not helping me, Nate. You’re not helping me. Why aren’t you helping me?” Grace screamed, her body melting, morphing.

I shook, watching as my wife’s blue eyes faded, the hue changing to a familiar gray-green.

Lila.

She looked down, her hands rising. They were covered in red, her face pale. “So much blood,” she said, then collapsed to the ground.

I sat straight up in bed, gasping for breath. Sweat covered my face. A scream filled my ears, and as the room came into focus, I realized it was me. My whole body shook, a wave of nausea rolling through me.

I swung my legs over the edge of the bed and fumbled for the switch on the bedside lamp. It was blinding, but necessary as I pulled open the drawer and dug through the bottles. As the names passed by, I became more and more frustrated. I was tempted to take them all when finally I found the name I was looking for—Xanax.

The pills inside were small, and I emptied a few onto my palm before tossing them in my mouth. I’d perfected taking pills without a drink, and the smaller ones were easy to do.

My nightmares had shifted, and it was no longer the woman I was missing, but the woman that I had.

The bed bounced a little and I quickly shut the drawer. She sat beside me as I tried to calm down. The problem was, I couldn’t. It was overpowering.

Why was it Lila?

I jumped at the feel of her hand cupping my face. Her eyes were filled with worry, and I leaned into her hand. I needed the soothing, but more importantly, the reminder that she was fine. That she was alive.

“Ssshhh,” she soothed as she brushed strands of hair that were stuck to my sweat-covered forehead. “It’s all right, baby. Everything’s all right.”

I pressed my lips to hers, needing the connection, to feel her. We lay back down, and I wrapped my arms around her, ducking my head into the crook of her neck. I needed to keep her safe. Protected.

She ran her fingers through my hair, and it didn’t take long for her to lull me back to sleep.

CHAPTER 16

Keeping my dick out of Lila was quickly becoming a complete joke. Between the teasing, I took any excuse and opportunity to get inside her. After shoving my cock down her throat at the office, I was hating us both for my lack of control.

I kept a cool disregard toward Lila as we entered our building. It was necessary after what I’d done. Sure, it was after hours, but I’d still lost control at the office again.

Though there was no way I regretted having my cock down her throat or the way I came with her nose pressed against my abs. She deserved it for teasing me.

As we entered the elevator, I made sure to punch the button for my floor along with Lila’s. When the doors closed, I was left with no moving air and her so close. I could almost feel her looking at me, and when I glanced at her, that wide-eyed, blank expression stared back, only this time with a bit of expectation.

I needed to tell her it wasn’t going to happen, that we needed to stop, that I wasn’t going to break and she shouldn’t either. All of that was decimated by my fucking stomach. How a stomach could make a high-pitched sound and turn into a gurgling rumble, I’d never know. The wonders of the human body. It was especially loud echoing off the metal walls of the elevator.

Lila giggled. “Hungry, are we?”

The tension fell from me, and my lips twitched up. “Maybe just a little.”

The elevator slowed and pinged, then the doors slid open. She stepped off and turned, her hand extended.

“Come.”

Come where? On her? With her? “Lila, I…”

“Have dinner with me. Come.”

I shook my head. “You don’t have to cook for me.”

“Well, I have to do it for me, and it’s usually enough to feed four. So, come.”

I stared at her hand as I contemplated her offer. If I went with her, I knew there was no stopping me from fucking her. Acceptance equaled sex, pure and simple. It may have been an offer of food, but it was also an invitation for so much more. What lay in the more was what worried me. Sex wasn’t all Lila wanted from me.

The doors started to close, and I made the decision that could be the beginning of my destruction, all because I couldn’t stay away from her.

I followed her down the hall, and resisted the urge to touch her while she unlocked her door. Thankfully, with seconds before I just grabbed her and pinned her against the door, she got it open and stepped inside, ushering me to follow.

“So, how long have you lived in Indianapolis?” she asked as she disappeared into the master bedroom.

I wasn’t sure getting to know the details of each other’s lives was a good thing, but what could a few generic answers hurt?

“My whole life, with the exception of college. What about you?” I asked as I pulled my jacket off, followed by my tie.

“Indiana native, born and bred,” she admitted. “I moved to Indy just before college and stayed. No reason to return anyway. Not much demand for lawyers in the middle of nowhere.”

Her entire life in a few miles’ circle? With what little I knew about her I began to wonder if she’d ever left the state.

“You didn’t go out of state for law school?”

We moved into the kitchen, and I watched her chest expand before a sigh escaped. “No. Too much to pay out of state tuition. I’ll be paying off my school debts for another few years as it is. Even with my grants.”

“Yeah, I don’t have those. My parents paid for my undergrad and Harvard Law.”

“Wow. How was Harvard?”

“Hard,” I chuckled. “And the east coast… That is an experience. Very different from here.”

“You know, that mask of yours is slipping a lot lately.”

I stared at her before shrugging my shoulders, my smile fading. “There’s no point in the pretense around you.”

Not with all we’d been through the prior weeks.

“But I still don’t know your secrets,” she said as she rifled through the fridge.

“No, but you know there are secrets. That’s much more than anyone else. It’s nice not to have to always pretend everything’s perfect.”