CHAPTER 8

We pulled up to our building, and I stumbled out of the car. My body lit up at his closeness, then I felt his hands on me, hoisting me up in the air and over his shoulder.

“Nathan, put me down, damn it. I can walk,” I whined as he moved us into the building.

I pounded on his back with my fists as he greeted the night guard, but my attention was diverted by the fine ass in front of me. I could not, and did not want to contain the urge to grab it, so I did. He yelped in surprise as he stepped onto the elevator. I smacked it and his grip on me tightened.

I could feel the growl in his chest, there was no doubt about it. Wetness began to pool from the sound and the anticipation of what he might do to me this time.

We arrived at the fourteenth floor, and he stepped out, walking a few steps; the keys rattled as he unlocked the door. As soon as we entered his condo, Nathan dropped me down onto my feet and had me pinned against the wall with his body, his lips hard on mine. It was a punishing kiss. I didn’t know what for, but he was angry about something.

He released my lips. “Who is he, this Andrew?”

I blinked at him. Was he jealous? I wanted him to be jealous; it would mean I amounted to something to him.

“Andrew is my ex-boyfriend.” I was still confused as I answered. His eyes were hard, his muscles tight. “Nathan?”

His lips crashed to mine again before moving away. The sound of splintering drywall filled the room as my eyes opened to find where he had gone.

Nathan’s fist was imbedded in the wall.

“Nathan!” I ran to help him pull his hand out. That was when I got a look at the entry wall. Seven. I counted seven other holes in the drywall. “Why?”

I gazed at him, the inexplicable man in front of me. He confused me so much I never knew which way was up.

“You. You do this to me. Every time… You make me so angry,” he admitted.

I might have been scared if it hadn’t been for the burning in his eyes and his fingertips, caressing my cheek. “I slept with my dress shirt on the other night because it smelled like you, and that pisses me off! I’m mad at myself and pissed at you for wrapping me around your little f**king finger.”

“But I didn’t…”

“I know!” he yelled, his anger seeping from him. “And that ticks me off more. I hate that you turn me on. I hate the way I need you all the f**king time. I don’t want that. I can’t want that. I can’t want you…but I do, so f**king much I do.”

“I want you, too.”

Pain flitted across his face. “I hated every male that even looked at you tonight and wanted to hurt the one that dared touch you. I wanted to scream out mine to keep them all at bay. But I can’t; I can’t claim you like that. I will consume you.”

“Why me?” The question snuck past my lips before I could stop it. My strength gave out, and I sunk to the floor.

“What did you say?” He seemed to be in complete disbelief as he stared down at me.

“I’m nothing. Drew leaving me proved them right. I’m nothing special. Plain, boring, pitiful, ugly Lila. Worthless.”

“You shut that shit up right now!” He took a few calming breaths before sitting down on the floor in front of me. “You are beautiful, intelligent, witty, sarcastic, fun as hell to tease, and so f**king sexy I have trouble keeping my hands off you. You make it so hard to stay away… I want you so much. I’ve tried so hard, but you keep f**king drawing me in.”

“Then why? Why can’t we…”

“Because I can’t. I can’t love you. I can’t allow myself to pursue you, Lila. A beautiful woman like you shouldn’t waste your time on me.”

“But, you said I wasn’t ‘that pretty’.”

He jumped to his feet startling me. “Shit. I was being a sarcastic ass**le and was going to tell you I was joking, but you f**king threw me with your response. I’m used to women arguing against me, but you agreed. That shit is f**ked up.” He paced in front of me, his brow twisted, fingers tugging at his hair in agitation.

I stared at him in disbelief. Boy, drunk me was envisioning quite a different Nathan. He couldn’t have admitted all of that. I was delusional. I had to be. Right?

I picked myself up off the floor. “Don’t you want to know what I think?”

“No, it doesn’t matter.”

“It doesn’t matter that I want you?”

His jaw tightened, and his eyes squeezed shut. “Please don’t.”

I looked up at him, my head tilting, trying to find the words for the idea rattling in my head. It wasn’t much, but it would be something. I was pathetic enough to settle for something.

“We can’t…be?”

“Be? Be, how?”

“Like we have been?”

He pushed the palms of his hands into his eyes. “You don’t really want that with me.”

“What if I do?”

“Drop it, Lila.” His tone was harsh and silenced me. I had gotten more out of him tonight than I ever expected to.

“Well, goodnight then.” I turned toward the door. His hand caught my wrist and spun me around.

“Where the f**k do you think you’re going?”

“Home.” I wasn’t home, I was at his place, and I just wanted to get out of it.

“Oh, no. I’m not letting you out of my sight, drunkie.” He pulled me away from the door, making sure I couldn’t leave. My eyes roamed around while we moved through his condo and I was astonished. It looked nothing like what I thought it would. I expected lavish furniture and decorations due to the price tag on his place, but there was little of either. The walls were bare, and the furniture was sparse.

We entered the bedroom and he sat me on the bed before kneeling in front of me and proceeding to take off my boots.

My fingers brushed through his hair. “So silky,” I murmured.

He leaned into my touch for a brief moment, then swiftly moved out of my reach. He grabbed my waist and lifted me to where I was bending over his shoulder. His fingers found the zipper to my skirt and slid it off me, tossing it somewhere on the floor of the dark room.

“You do know I’m not so drunk that I can’t walk or undress myself, right?”

“Shut up and get in the bed, Delilah,” he commanded.

Was it wrong that I loved when he directed me like that?