23

"WHAT BROUGHT ME out of my daze about the newfound uncle and Pops' wealth was the view of all the old wicker, painted white and grouped on the side flagstone terrace to the right of Blackwood Manor, just as it had been in my dreams of Rebecca. This was furniture I'd requisitioned from the attic, but the task of restoration had been completed while I lay in the hospital, and I marveled now to see the gathering of couches and chairs just as it had been when Rebecca served me her mythical coffee.

" 'Mona's going to understand,' I murmured aloud, 'and that man, that kindly man, Stirling Oliver, he'll understand, and then there's Nash, Nash who seemed as great and kind as a teacher could be, Nash who gave me hope that I would get through this strange time with some equanimity.¡¯

"But when he entered the front hall I was stunned to see a pile of luggage by the door, and Nash, in a blue suit and tie, with a hand out for my shoulder.

" 'I can't stay, Quinn, but I must talk to your Aunt Queen before I talk to you. Let me have those moments with her now.¡¯

"I was devastated. 'No,' I said, 'you have to tell me. It's what I said, wasn't it, all the things I told you, you think I'm insane, and you think it's going to be like this always, but I swear --.¡¯

" 'No, Quinn, I don't think you're insane,' he said. 'But understand I must leave. Now let me speak with Miss Queen alone. I promise I won't leave without telling you.¡¯

"I let them go into the front parlor together, and then I went into the kitchen for lunch, where Jasmine was just telling Big Ramona that they were rich. I hated to break up their happiness with my glum looks and I blamed it all on hunger. Besides, Jasmine had always been rich and so was Big Ramona. They just never wanted to leave Blackwood Manor, everybody knew.

"And since one thing I could always do was eat, I devoured a platter of Sunday chicken and dumplings.

"Finally, I could resist the suspense no longer. I went to the parlor door, and Aunt Queen beckoned for me.

" 'Now darling, Nash is under the impression that you'll be disturbed in time by the fact that he hasn't so much chosen a bachelor's life as been rather predisposed to it.¡¯

" 'I have it all in a letter here, Quinn,' said Nash in his kindly but authoritative manner.

" 'Are you telling me you're gay?' I asked.

"Aunt Queen was shocked.

" 'Well, to be frank,' said Nash, 'that's exactly what I intended to tell you.¡¯

" 'I knew that last night,' I said. 'Oh, don't worry that you gave it away with some obvious gesture or mannerism. You didn't. I just sensed it because I'm probably that way myself; at least, I'm bisexual, I have no doubt of that.¡¯

"I was greeted by a stunned silence from Nash, and from Aunt Queen a low pleasant laughter. Of course I'd just made a little confession that might have hurt her, but I was very sure Nash would not be hurt at all.

" 'Oh my precocious one,' she said. 'You never fail to charm me. Bisexual is it, how Byronic and charming. Doesn't that double one's chances for love? I'm so delighted.¡¯

"Nash continued to stare at me as if he could think of nothing whatsoever to say, and then I realized what had happened.

"Nash had resigned his post not because he was gay; he'd known he was gay long before he ever came here. He'd resigned his post because of what he'd seen in me and what I'd told him about my own predilections! Oh, it was so perfectly obvious and I'd been such a dolt not to catch on. I should have let him off the hook right away.

" 'Look, Nash,' I said, 'you've got to stay. You want to stay and I want you to stay. Now let's just take a vow that nothing erotic will ever pass between us. That it's, you know, inappropriate. You'll become the perfect teacher for me because I don't have to hide anything from you.¡¯

" 'Now that's a potent argument,' said Aunt Queen, 'no pun intended. I do mean, really Nash, Quinn has a point there.' She made a pleasant airy laugh. 'Good Lord, in schools all over this country gay men and women make excellent and sympathetic teachers. The whole issue is settled.' She rose. 'Nash Penfield, you must unpack your bags, at least until we leave for New York, and Quinn, you have to get some sleep. Now everything's settled until suppertime.¡¯

"Nash still seemed to be in a state of shock, but I shook his hand and elicited a wide-eyed and softly murmured statement that he would stay, and, not daring to take him in my arms, I headed up to my room to get three hundred dollars out of my bureau (I always had some money there) and to make certain that I had on the best suit of clothes I owned and the lucky Versace tie, which I had not worn to meet with our lawyer.

"As I came downstairs I felt something pull at me; I don't mean it was the hand of Goblin so much as it was a feeling or a mass of feelings. I had gone without sleep a long long time. And what I thought of now was Rebecca. In fact, it seemed for a moment Rebecca was with me, and then she wasn't.

Little redheaded bitch. . . black bitch!

"When I reached the side lawn I walked slowly over the flagstone terrace and through the new arrangement of wicker, and I had the feeling that Rebecca was very near. Rebecca was waiting for me to fall asleep. Rebecca was waiting to talk to me. Yes, I had been on this very couch with her, and she had sat on that chair, and the coffee had been on this table. A dizziness came and went as it had that day in the swamp, but I knew I had to fight it. A life for my life. A death for my death. . .

" 'What did you say?' I asked. 'A life for a life?' Who was I talking to? I battled the dizziness. 'Murderous ghost, get away from me!' I whispered.

"What was I doing out here on the side lawn? So they had refurbished the wicker as I told them to do.

"I had to be gone. I headed for the shed.

"And within minutes I was rolling out in Sweetheart's old Mercedes 450 sedan, the car I had always much admired, though I think it was as old as I was.

"I was on the highway in no time and flying towards Mona Mayfair. But there was time to swing by the florist on St. Charles and Third and buy Mona a beautiful bouquet of long-stemmed roses.

"Then I drove to my final destination: First and Chestnut, riverside downtown corner. Of course the house wasn't near the river. The river was a world away. The expression was just a way of orienting oneself in New Orleans.

"The house was quietly fabulous. It didn't have the arrogant splendor of Blackwood Manor. Rather it was a Greek Revival town house with a side-hall door, four columns up and down, its stucco walls painted a twilight lavender, and beyond to the far right a partially concealed side garden. The whole mansion was set about six steps off the ground and the steps were white marble.

"I parked the car across the intersection and I made the diagonal now on legs that didn't feel, they just guided, and with the huge bouquet in my arms, breathless to offer it to her.

"The iron fence wasn't high and there was the doorbell. I debated. What would I say to the person who answered? Mona, I'm desperate to see Mona.

"But I didn't have to face this complexity. One half second after I appeared at the gate, the big white front door opened, and out she came, quickly closing the door behind her and rushing down the steps to the gate. She had a key for it and turned it quickly, and then we stood facing each other outside the bounds of the fence and I thought I was dying.

"She was about one hundred times more lovely than I remembered her. Her green eyes were much larger and she had a naturally rouged mouth that I wanted to kiss immediately. Her hair was clear red, and to cap it off she wore an exquisite white cotton shirt, unbuttoned way low, and skintight white pants that showed off her small rounded thighs beautifully. I was even in love with her toes. She had on thick sandals and I could see all her red toenails. I adored her.

" 'My God, Mona,' I said, and I took the plunge, covering her mouth with mine and grabbing for her tiny wrists, but she broke away gently and said,

" 'Where's your car, Quinn? We have to get out of here quick.¡¯

"We ran across the street like newlyweds running from a rice storm. We were driving out First Street towards the river in a twinkling.

" 'So where can we go? Oh, God, I don't know where we can go,' I said.

" 'I do,' she answered. 'You know how to get to the Quarter?¡¯

" 'Absolutely.¡¯

"She gave me an address. 'The LaFreni¨¨re Cottages,' she said. 'I called them this morning.¡¯

" 'But how did you know I'd come? I mean I'm thrilled that you called them, but how did you know?¡¯

" 'I'm a witch,' she said. 'I knew when you left Blackwood Farm just like I know that Goblin's in the car with us. He's right behind you. You don't even know it, do you? But I didn't mean that. I meant only, I wanted you to come.¡¯

" 'You put a spell on me,' I said. 'I haven't slept since I saw you last, and half my night's ravings have been about you and wanting to come to you.' I could hardly keep my eyes on the road. 'Only lawyers and wills have kept me from you, tales of infidelity and orphan children and roaming in ghostly furniture and forging alliances as strong as the one I mean to forge with you.¡¯

" 'God, you've got some vocabulary,' she answered. 'Or maybe it's just your delivery. It's meant that you should come to me. I'm Ophelia always, floating in the flowery stream. I need your rushing poetry. Can you drive if I unzip your pants!¡¯

" 'No, don't do that. We'll have a wreck. I think all this is a hallucination.¡¯

" 'No, it's not. Did you bring any condoms?¡¯

" 'God, no,' I said. We had reached Canal Street. I knew where the LaFreni¨¨re Cottages were. Lynelle and I had eaten three times in their tasty little French bistro. 'Mona, Mona, Mona,' I said. 'We have to get condoms! Where?¡¯

" 'No, we don't,' she said. 'I have tons of them in my purse.' "