“Are you trying to piss me off tonight?”

“Better to be pissed off than pissed on,” she retorts.

“I’d rather not be either right now,” I say, hoping she’ll drop this too.

I long for him every night. I’ve slept with a pillow clutched in my arms just to have something to hold on to. I’ve cried, thrown things, and memorized that piece of paper to feel close to him.

“Well, I think we should. You’ve been avoiding saying shit to either of us.” She looks as Gretchen for support, who just nods.

I ask myself every day if this job is something worth throwing it away for, but the doubt and lies bring back my resolve. There’s no reason for him to have kept this from me, and it leads me to believe there are far deeper secrets he has buried. Then I’m reminded of Piper and how even she knew.

I embrace the rage bubbling up, shoving away the doubt.

“I’m not willing to talk about Jackson, but you two are more than welcome to.” I grab my wine and sip it, suddenly wishing it was something stronger.

Sitting here ignoring the two of them, a heavy feeling settles over me. It’s hard to breathe and my chest is heaving. All of the energy shifts—it’s the same sensation I have whenever Jackson’s around. I look around for him as if he’s suddenly going to appear. We’ve never been to this bar, so there’s no reason to think he’s here, but I feel as if someone’s watching me. Scanning the area, I don’t see him or anyone I know.

Ashton snaps her fingers in front of my face. “Earth to Catherine.”

“Sorry, I thought someone was here.”

“I can call him if you want,” she says smirking.

My jaw drops as I process what she says. “Seriously?”

Gretchen shifts and taps Ashton’s arm. “Enough, Ashton. Okay, let’s talk about how I met someone.”

Immediately, Ash and I start asking a million questions about the new guy. Gretchen doesn’t date. Her job demands her time and she never wanted to put herself through the arguments that come with having to work. My heart is full for her. She deserves love and happiness. Work won’t fulfill her forever.

After another round of drinks, Ashton turns her attention back to me. “Okay, I know you don’t want to talk about him, so let’s talk about how you’re about to take over the world with your bad ass self.”

“Are you getting excited?” Gretchen asks.

“Yeah, I really am. I’m going to miss you guys, don’t get me wrong, but the idea of running an office and getting this opportunity …” I shrug trying to downplay my emotions.

Gretchen smiles, “I’m really proud of you.”

“Thanks. The apartment I found is really amazing. It’s a little further away from L.A. than I wanted. It’s in San Clemente, but it’s close to the beach.” I start to let the excitement build. My company believed in me and I’m definitely the youngest in CJJ to ever head an office. Even Sean, who helped start the company, pointed out my age. He said they have absolute confidence I’ll be up to the task.

“It sucks that even being here—on an island—we never go to the beach. And when we have two feet of snow you’ll be in a bathing suit.”

I feign sympathy. “Yeah, that’s really going to suck,” I pause, “For you.”

Ashton slaps my arm and we all start to laugh. It feels good talking with them about everything and allowing myself to really be happy about this opportunity.

“What about your dad’s house. Did it sell?” Gretchen asks.

“The realtor said the buyer is good to go and we’re going to close the day after the memorial.”

“You’re going?” Ashton’s eyes widen in shock.

I’ve gone back and forth over the right thing to do. I could skip it but I promised Jackson a while ago, and I promised Natalie. While Natalie might understand, I won’t do that to her. It took her this long to do the memorial, so I’m not about to cause any undue stress. We spoke the other day and she sent me pictures of her gorgeous daughter. She said they’d both really like to meet me. So, I’ll go.

Biting my lip I look at them both. “I have to. I don’t know how the hell I’m going to get through it but I’m going.”

“I’ll go with you,” Ashton says without question.

“Really?” I ask, unsure if she really wants to be there since she never met Aaron or Natalie.

“Of course, Cat. You’re going to need me more than you think. You’ll see Jackson. You’ll be around his friends. I think you’ve been great at pretending when you don’t have to deal with him. In person though …” She trails off and I suddenly feel nauseous.

My eyes prick when I think about how much this is going to be hard for everyone. “What if he doesn’t want me there?”

“It doesn’t matter. I do think you should talk to him beforehand though.”

That’s the last thing I want to do. They’re watching me, but I don’t respond. My heart says to call, but my head says no. The hairs on the back of my neck raise and I glance around again.

“Why do you keep scanning the crowd?” Gretchen asks looking around.

“I keep getting the feeling I’m being watched.”

Ashton stands up and looks around.

“Sit down!” I exclaim and pull on her arm. “I’m probably being silly.”

“Or G.I. Joe decided he’s tired of being shut out and is coming to get his girl.” She leans back with a shit-eating grin, piercing me with her blue eyes.

“Fuck off, Ash. Do you want me angry at you? I’m leaving for California. Even if I could go back to him, it wouldn’t work. I’m not about to enter into a long distance relationship that already has issues. Christ, let it go!” I storm off and head to the bathroom before she can reply.

I look up at the mirror and attempt to fix my makeup before going back out there. I know I lost it on her, but I’m tired of everyone and their unsolicited advice. What ever happened to being supportive?

The door opens and a pretty blond enters smiling. She looks familiar, but I can’t place her.

Before I can give it too much thought, Gretchen enters. “Cat,” she says sympathetically, “You know how she is.”

“Yes, I do.” I sigh and my head falls back. I get why she’s acting like a bitch, but I wish she’d cry it out and move on. “I’m tired, Gretch. I wanted our last night together to be fun, and I don’t want to fight. Between work and the move I just want a night to myself. Will you hate me if I head home?”

“Of course not! I’m sure you’re exhausted. Promise me you’ll find a way to see me once more before you go.”

“I’ll do my best.” I wrap my arms around Gretchen and she kisses my cheek.

“We’re being silly girls. But I’m going to miss you.”

“I’ll miss you more.”

She smiles and gives me another hug, “Oh, I meant to tell you … my lawyer friend, who was going to take on Neil’s case, called me. She said since he got back the property he was looking for he no longer needed her.”

“Yeah, I think it was really about money.”