“You’re leaving?” he asks calmly but the hurt is lingering under his question.

I look at him up close for the first time since the apartment. His eyes are bloodshot and he’s barely holding it together. “Why do you care?” I ask acerbically.

“Really?” Jackson scoffs.

“I apologize, Mr. Cole, that was unprofessional. I’ve done my job. My staff is more than capable of handling any issues.”

Jackson pushes forward and I step back. Seeing me retreat, he stops and looks down. “Taylor, can you give me a moment with my publicist please?” Jackson says softly and I look at her, pleading with my eyes not to leave me. Instead she places a hand on my shoulder and exits the room.

He turns to me, “I know you want space, but I’m asking you to give me five minutes. I don’t deserve it. I know that. But please, I need to explain.”

A tear falls and I straighten myself to stand tall. “If you would’ve trusted me, none of this would be happening. I’d be sitting at that table, holding your hand, whispering about what we could do when we leave. Instead, I have mascara down my face, a dress I want to burn, and a broken heart. I don’t have five minutes to give you tonight.”

I grab my clutch from the chair and start to leave, but he clasps my arm, stopping me. “Don’t you get it?” I ask.

“I deserve a chance to explain.”

“You’re right. You did. A month ago. Instead, you kept something from me. You did what every other man in my life has done. In one second, you managed to prove you’re no different. My father, Neil, hell, throw in my mother if you want … none of them hurt me as much as you managed to. But instead I was humiliated. I was thrown in front of cameras and left to find out something like that—publicly. So while I’d love to let you explain, Mr. Cole,” I sneer while wriggling my arm from his grip, “You had your chance.” I turn on my heel without another word.

Each step I take I feel pain—physical pain. How does it hurt so bad?

“I never lied about how I feel,” he calls out and I pause. “I love you, Catherine. I would walk through fire for you,” Jackson says and my heart stops.

I turn and look at him. “You wouldn’t have had to. I would’ve put out the flames before they reached you. Instead you managed to burn me yourself.”

Seeing the agony spread across his face at my words nearly kills me. I wanted to love him, protect him, not destroy him—too bad he didn’t want the same things.

“Okay, I know it’s only six a.m., but I need you to wake up,” Ashton says, rubbing my back.

“Are you for real?” I ask groggily as I look over at my clock, hoping she was lying about the time. “Ashton! It’s six in the morning.” I roll back over trying to hide my face.

“Yeah, well. I saw the press conference and I need you to talk to me.”

I open one eye exasperated at my best friend. “I don’t need to talk. I’m done.”

“Is he married?”

“I don’t know,” I say and start to sit up.

“What do you mean you don’t know? How the hell don’t you know? What did he say?” She fires off questions so fast I can’t answer. She stands and puts her hands on her hips. “Answer me!”

“Don’t yell at me!” I say as I get out of bed and head into the bathroom. What is with all the people in my life and their damn demands?

When I come out of my bathroom, she’s sitting on the bed with an apologetic look. “I didn’t mean to yell, Biffle. I’m worried about you.”

I sigh and sit on the bed next to her. Funny how I feel the need to comfort her. “I’ll be fine—at some point. He lied to me, Ash. I don’t know if he’s married because honestly I was afraid of the answer. We were together for months, I was basically living with him, and he never told me. To find out like that—in a press conference—was horrific. I felt like an idiot.”

“He’s the idiot, Catherine.” Ashton places her hand on mine.

“I’m done. Those are the only words I can say. There’s no fixing us, because there is no us. I can’t go through another relationship where lies and cheating are even an option. If he is married, then I was his mistress. If he’s not married and is divorced, how could he keep that from me—or why did he think it wouldn’t matter?”

She sighs and gives me a few moments. “I’m in no way defending him, because honestly I hate him right now and I never thought that would happen. I’ve always been on your side. But I really thought Jackson was the one for you. Knowing all your issues with abandonment and trust, maybe he was afraid if he told you, you’d run. Instead he pretty much guaranteed that you’d be pushed to run.”

“Right, and by keeping his marriage a secret he obliterated any trust I had in him.” I clutch my pillow to my chest. It hurts so much talking about this. I can’t believe we’re back here again. “Unless there’s something more behind all of this like he’s still in love with her. It makes no sense.”

Ashton shrugs. “I can tell you he was frantic. He was hysterical on the phone trying to find you. Mark called me too. He said Jackson is a fucking moron and fucked it up.”

The half laugh escapes me at Mark’s assessment. “Yeah, I’d agree with him on both. But, Ash, he didn’t tell me either. You know that’s the other part I feel sick over. I was in that hospital for how long with his mom and Mark and no one ever mentioned it. Which leads me to believe they knew he didn’t want me to know.”

She sighs and squeezes my hand. “I don’t know. I really don’t. He had to know at some point you’d find out. You going to work?”

“I’m up. I might as well. I gave Taylor the day off, but I’m going to have to figure out how the hell to handle this fucking account. We have less than a month left in this contract, but I’m not sure I can work side-by-side with him.” I stand up and pull the dress from last night up off the floor.

“Don’t you dare let him win. You go into work and you handle him. Are you going to be okay?”

I wish it were that simple. I wish I had the courage to go in there and pretend seeing him doesn’t hurt. That hearing his voice doesn’t make me ache … but it does. He’s a part of me—far more than Neil ever was. Jackson was everything to me. I wanted to stand beside him, love him, give myself to him, and in a way I did.

“I’ll do what I always do—survive.”

A small smile paints Ashton’s face and she scoots closer. “I’m really sorry. I think we should buy an island and stick these fuckers on it and pick them off one by one.”

“Survivor for men,” I chuckle. “There are so many things I’m upset over, but the biggest is he knew. He knew, Ash. I told him what I could handle.” I run my hands through my hair. “I was crystal fucking clear and we spent countless nights together.”

“He never even brought anything up?”

“All I can think is there were these tiny moments I felt like he was keeping something. Small things that didn’t really add up, but I have a tendency to overthink things, so I was giving him the benefit of the doubt.”