I wish I could. It’s never been that way for me other than in business. When I’m dealing with a client or the press, I don’t back down.

I exhale loudly. “I need to get back in there. I should make sure Mark isn’t poking him in the face,” I explain.

“How is that dipshit?” Ashton asks at the mention of Mark.

During the few days Ash stayed in Germany, they flirted a bit. I don’t think anything actually happened, but they seemed to get along well. Mark needed her strength when I wasn’t able to keep it together. After his surgery, Jackson was touch and go for a while. There was no holding each other up because we were both crumbling. I’ve never seen someone so desolate. But Ashton was there, propping us both up, holding his hand and making sure he remained strong, while also keeping me from falling apart. She’s really a remarkable woman.

“He’s fine. Have you two spoken at all since you left?” I wonder.

She lets out a deep breath and I picture her sinking in a chair. “No, it wasn’t like that for me. He lives in Virginia, number one, and number two, I think we’d kill each other. It’s like who can be the biggest smart ass.”

I laugh because it’s completely true. They would either fuck constantly or beat the shit out of each other. Between her strength and his sarcasm, it’s like setting a match to a piece of wood soaked in gasoline.

“It would be so much fun to watch though. I don’t know when I’ll be back. Is everything going okay?” I ask.

“Yeah, everything is fine. Look, you need to be there. He’s going to need you, Cat. In so many ways, that man needs you,” Ashton says as her strength resonates through the phone.

“I need him too. I just need him to not dick me around. I want him to want me, not push me away again,” I explain with my heart breaking all over again.

“If I remember correctly, you did quite a bit of pushing as well.”

I huff at her not-so-gentle reminder. “Yes, I know. I got this lecture from Mark already.”

“Good. Maybe you’ll realize that you have to fight for what you want. Nothing in this life is guaranteed. So fight for him! Fight with every ounce of your being.”

“I plan to. He’s worth it. I can’t make him love me though,” I say effectively shutting her up.

“No, you can’t. Nor do you want to. But I don’t think that’s a fight you’ll have.”

I peek my head in to see him still sleeping. “Okay, I need coffee, so I’m going to run. I love you and I’ll try to call you in a few days. Miss you, Biffle.”

“Miss you more. Kiss Jackson for me and maybe Mark too.”

“I will,” I reply with a smile.

I put my phone in my pocket and walk to the family waiting area and grab a cup of coffee. I should’ve been getting on a plane in a few minutes, instead I’m here, because he asked me to stay. So many questions float in my head. Sinking into the chair, I rest my head back and try to get a grip. I’ve never had a moment as scary as watching him flat line. My heart starts to race when I replay them pushing me away as he was dying. Needing a few minutes of peace, I close my eyes.

This trip I’ve only slept in bits and pieces, never more than two hours at a time. And never in a bed, most of it was in a chair at his bedside. I think over the conversations with Jackson’s mother, Ashton, and Mark through the past week. Some of their words really strike a chord in me. I’m not the same girl I was a few months ago and I’m definitely not the same one who pined over Neil. The girl who thought she wasn’t good enough for any man and deserved to be treated like shit. I won’t be neglected or cheated on again because I deserve more. I won’t stand for someone who will sleep with my friend, or walk away and not look back. Jackson gave me more. He allowed me to open my heart again, but at the same time I’m not sure if he’s ready to give me the same …

I sit there and let it all sink in. I look at the clock and realize two hours have passed. I must’ve fallen asleep. Scrambling up, I grab my now-cold coffee and head back.

Entering the room, my breath hitches as I look up and I catch a glimpse of his smile as he sees me. He’s awake again. Looking at him, I know what I have to do. I’ll stay for as long as he wants me to be here, but at some point we’re going to talk about everything, because I can’t go through him walking out like that again. Neither of us deserves to go through any more pain, and I won’t be the one to inflict it upon him.

“I thought you left.” Jackson’s voice cracks at the end.

I step forward to his bed and give a tiny shake of my head. “No. I was on the phone and then I fell asleep in the chair. I told you I wasn’t going to leave.”

“Oh,” is all he says before looking over at Mark.

Mark scoffs, “Dude, I fucking told you she’d be back. Pussy.”

Jackson gives him the finger and smiles. It’s nice to see them together. I can still feel the weight of our worry about how this would play out.

I stand there awkwardly in the room, unsure of what to do. We survey each other with the questions and uncertainty stifling in the room. Each tick of the clock my anxiety builds.

Mark clears his throat, “Well, I can see I’m not needed here. And you two need to talk. I’m going to make some calls—including your mother again. She hasn’t answered and I’m afraid she might kill someone. That woman scares the shit out of me.” He gently clasps Jackson’s shoulder. “Glad to see you decided to stop being an asshole and finally woke up. Maybe next time you won’t be so dramatic about coming back to life.” Mark smiles at me and looks back at Jackson. “We’ll catch up later.”

Jackson smirks and Mark walks by and kisses my cheek. “Be good and call me if you need anything. Talk to him.”

“Catherine, please come here.” Jackson puts his hand out and waits.

Stepping forward until my leg hits the bed, I shudder from his proximity. He draws this from me. His presence and power elicits these reactions from my body without permission. Jackson grabs my hand and rubs slow circles against my skin. I close my eyes and savor his touch.

“Are you okay?” he asks.

My eyes open and I stand there shocked. “Shouldn’t I be asking you that?”

“Mark told me. He said you were alone in the room,” he explains.

“Yes … no … I don’t know. I’ve never been more scared in my life. I wasn’t sure if you were alive or dead. I just …” I can’t say anything else without losing it. I don’t want to think about what happened. My heart pounds and my chest heaves.

“I’m sorry, baby.”

“Jackson,” I say softly.

“Forgive me. I was a complete tool.” His eyes tell me it isn’t about what happened hours ago.

“Please, I don’t want to talk about this now.” I struggle as I say the words. As much as I want answers, his health is far more important.

“I can’t wait to make this right. I need to fix—”

“No.” I put my hand up and soften my voice. “You can’t fix everything any more than you can save everyone.”

He pulls my hand and I sink on to the bed. “I can fix this. I was wrong.” Jackson’s eyes swim with unease.