Before I Wake Page 83

I shook my head slowly. “It doesn’t feel right. He deserves better than to be found by a stranger.”

Tod tucked one arm around me, his fingers curling over my hip. “Kaylee, there’s nothing more we can do for Alec, so I did what needed to be done for you. And I’d do it again in a heartbeat.”

“Thank you.” I wrapped my arms around him again and he held me so tight breathing wasn’t an option. “But maybe you could not alter any more crime scenes on my behalf? At least, not until I’ve had a fair chance to talk you out of it? The whole ‘ask for forgiveness rather than permission’ approach to our relationship doesn’t really work for me.”

“So, what? I’m just supposed to let you get arrested, which would force you into hiding, which means you wouldn’t see your friends and family, and the two of us would be all alone together…?” Tod faked a frown. “Hmm… Maybe I should have thought that one through a little more.”

“That’s not the conclusion I was headed toward, but if it works…” I kissed him, desperately trying to see through the dark to the light at the end of the tunnel.

“Okay, seriously, it was bad enough the first time. I don’t need the instant replay,” Nash said, and I pulled away from Tod reluctantly.

“Sorry.”

“Someone take me back. Now.”

Tod stood. “I’ll take you both. Kaylee’s dad’s going to call in the cavalry if she’s not back in half an hour, and since I can only assume that when he says ‘the cavalry,’ he means Levi and Madeline… We should probably all go.”

“I don’t want to go yet.” I still hadn’t figured out how to tell my dad what had happened—I didn’t want him to look at me and see a murderer. “I’ll call him and tell him I’m staying here. Unless you want me to go…?”

“I want you to stay forever. But if you want to stay here tonight, you need to tell him that in person. If he doesn’t see you in the flesh very soon, he’s going to lose it. He’s worried, Kaylee.”

I nodded reluctantly, and Tod turned to Nash. “You can’t tell anyone what she told you,” he said, and Nash bristled under the command.

“I’m not going to tell anyone because it wasn’t her fault and I don’t want to ruin her life. Not because of anything you say. But I can’t promise Sabine won’t find out.” Because her fear-reading ability was often eerily like mind reading.

“Then make sure she won’t say anything,” Tod said.

“Wait, I’m not going to lie to everyone, guys. Not to my friends and family. They deserve to know how Alec really died. He deserves that.”

“No,” Tod said, and behind him, Nash was shaking his head.

“Now how is that fair? The only thing you both agree on is disagreeing with me.”

“We agree about protecting you,” Nash clarified.

“Well, that’s not your call to make, and I don’t need to be protected.”

“Yes, you do.” Tod crossed his arms over his chest. “And don’t try to turn this around and call us sexist. This isn’t a damsel-in-distress moment. We all need to protect one another, and you’ve done your fair share of that.”

“Yeah. We protect one another from Avari and Thane, and anything else that goes bump in the Netherworld. Not from our own friends and family.”

“He’s not worried about Em and your dad,” Nash said. “He’s worried about Levi and Madeline.”

“There are rules in the afterlife, Kaylee.” Tod looked scared. “And killing innocent people is against most of them.”

“You were there. You know it was an accident!”

He took both of my hands and looked right into my eyes. “And I will die shouting it from the rooftops, if I have to. But at the end of the day, the bottom line is that you couldn’t tell the difference between a hellion wearing a human soul and a hellion wearing a human body, and it’s your job to know the difference. And if you’re not competent in your job, they have no reason to keep you…alive.”

“You think I’m incompetent?” My chest felt sore. Bruised. I knew Alec’s death was my fault, but it hurt to think that he agreed with me.

“No. I think Madeline would have done the same thing you did. The same thing I would have done in your position. But if you tell them what really happened, there will be incident reports, and inquisitions, and eventually a hearing. Madeline can’t afford to lose you right now, but once all this is over and they’ve recovered from a massive personnel shortage, someone will have to be held accountable for a mistake that cost the life of an innocent man. And when Madeline comes to take you, we’ll have to run, and we’ll be on the run for the rest of forever with only each other, and nothing to do but explore the youthful perfection eternity has blessed us with, and…” Tod frowned. “Okay, that makes it sound better than it will actually be.”

“Don’t you think that’s a bit overblown?” I asked.

“Well, I guess we could skip straight to the young lovers on the run part, but do you really want to leave all your friends and family behind?”

He was joking—hopefully—but his point was as serious as the fear in his eyes. Fear for me.

“I’m not going to lose you, Kaylee. No matter what I have to do, or whom I have to fight. Even if that means quashing your vexing tendencies toward self-sacrifice.”

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