Ethan tried to tighten his grip on me but I slunk away from him, storming toward the keg. Jenna followed.

“Hey, are you okay?”

“I’m fine!” I yelled. Jenna’s brows shot up and I huffed. “Sorry. Everyone’s been asking me that tonight and I’m just annoyed.”

She laughed. “Okay, note to self — you’re fine. Come on, let’s get drinks.”

Jenna led the way to the keg and filled up first, taking her first drink and looking back toward the fire pit as I filled mine.

“So, Jamie.”

“What about him?” I tried for indifferent. I wasn’t sure if I landed there.

“I just… I forgot how hot he was. He’s gotten even better with age. Like fine wine.”

Or whiskey.

“Yeah. He’s a stud,” I said flatly.

“I think he might be up for a little blast from the past action tonight. Would you be mad? If I maybe left with him?”

I dropped the nozzle on the keg, an ache burning my chest at the thought. Chugging half of what I poured, I started filling again, but didn’t look at her. “Of course not. Have fun.”

“Are you sure?”

I didn’t get to answer because Jamie had shown up, holding his hand out for the nozzle as I finished filling my cup. I thrust it into his hands.

“You girls up for a swim?” he asked, nodding toward the pool not even a hundred feet from the pits.

“It’s freezing,” I deadpanned.

He just shrugged. “So? Live a little.”

“Because that always works out so well,” I murmured, lifting my cup to my lips.

Jenna narrowed her eyes. “Why are you being weird tonight?”

“I’m not being weird,” I gritted through my teeth, my head swimming from the alcohol. I realized the longer I stood that I’d successfully fulfilled my plan to get drunk.

“I don’t know,” Jamie offered, standing up straight with his beer now full. “You are kind of being weird.”

I glared up at him then and he just smirked, taking a sip. I opened my mouth to pop off some sort of smart remark, but decided better, shaking my head instead. “I’m going to find Ethan. You two have fun catching hypothermia.”

Jenna called out to me but I ignored her, deciding at that moment that what Jamie and Jenna did that night didn’t matter.

But no matter how much I repeated that to myself as I finished beer after beer and the night turned to early morning, I couldn’t stop watching them. They were like a car wreck or a drunk guy preaching on the sidewalk. No matter how I tried, I couldn’t tear my eyes away for more than thirty seconds, and the more the night went on, the more they touched, the more they laughed, the more I wanted to vomit.

Even worse, Jamie’s eyes never found mine again. Not when I danced with Ethan, grinding my ass into his groin, or when I straddled him on the bench, kissing him with fervor. He didn’t glance over when I laughed loud or glare when Ethan’s lips found my neck and collarbone. It was like I didn’t exist, and the more I drank, the more that bothered me.

Everyone has that one night they can trace back to in their mind, that first night they drank too much and made a complete ass of themselves. Well, this was that night for me, and I was about to find out the hard way that, contrary to popular belief, “liquor before beer” did not always mean “in the clear” — especially when it all started with Jack Daniels.

“I want to go swimming,” I sang into Ethan’s lips as we kissed, the party in high gear around us. Jamie wanted to go in the pool, and I wanted Jamie’s attention. Science.

Ethan laughed. “A little too cold for that, babe. Maybe in a week or two.”

“No, I want to go now,” I argued, pouting.

A freshman sprinted past us, ripping his clothes off and flinging them behind him, screaming something about skinny dipping. I perked up, eyes on him as everyone laughed around us and I turned back to Ethan.

“Come on! Let’s go!” I jumped up, tugging my boots off and following after the naked freshman. Ethan hooked his arm around my elbow.

“B, no, you’re not going skinny dipping.”

I didn’t know why, but his demand didn’t sit right with me, and I scowled. “I can do whatever the hell I want.”

Ethan’s eyes were hard, unbudging. “I’m serious. There’s too many people here, and it’s a campus party. There’s campus police like two streets away and you’re already drinking underage. Don’t be stupid.”

I ripped my arm away from his and saw Jamie and Jenna both stand in my periphery. “What, afraid I’ll damage your perfect reputation before election?” I was sneering, and I knew I was being ugly, but I couldn’t stop it. I was out of control. “It was embarrassing to kiss me earlier, guess it’d really be embarrassing if I took my clothes off.” I didn’t know why I wanted to push his buttons, but I stripped my sweater off to prove the point, leaving me in just the tank top I was wearing underneath. A few guys whistled and I tossed a wink in their direction.

“Okay, come on. We’re leaving.” He went to grab my arm again but I dodged it.

“You can go if you want. I’m not ready to leave.”

“That wasn’t a request.”

“And mine wasn’t a suggestion.”

“Damnit, Brecks!” He screamed my name like a curse word. It might as well have been. “You’re not getting in that pool. End of story.”

He was talking to me like a child, scolding me by using my full name. I glared at him, mouth open, wondering how he could do that. He didn’t know about my parents, but I’d told him my real name in confidence, telling him there was a very real reason why I never went by it.

And he’d betrayed that trust.

“B…” Jamie flanked me, holding his hands out like I was dangerous. “Come on. I’ll walk you back to your dorm.”

“I can walk myself,” I spat at all of them, snatching my sweater and boots off the ground. Then, I turned on my heels and tore through the crowd that had been staring at us, pushing down the emotions building inside of me and focusing on not stumbling as I pulled my boots back on.

I didn’t even make it through the parking lot before I heard his steps behind me.

“Go away, Jamie,” I threw behind me, still stalking toward the path that led back to my dorm. The university was set up in a circular fashion, with different sidewalk circles connecting the inner and outer parts of campus. We were on the outside, and so was my dorm, just a short ten-minute walk away, and I found solace in that as I brushed past the cars parked in Lot A.