Shadowland Page 3

“Damen, please! You can’t just give up. This isn’t karma—it’s me! I made a mistake, a horrible, dreadful mistake. But that doesn’t mean we can’t fix it! There must be a way.” Clinging to the falsest of hopes, forcing an enthusiasm I don’t really feel.

Damen stands before me, a dark silhouette in the night, the warmth of his sad tired gaze serving as our only embrace. “I never should’ve started,” he says. “Never should’ve made the elixir—should’ve let things take their own natural course. Seriously, Ever, just look at the result—it’s brought nothing but pain!” He shakes his head, his gaze so sad, so contrite, my heart caves. “There’s still time for you though. You’ve got your whole life ahead of you—an eternity where you can be anything you want to be, do anything you want to do. But me—” He shrugs. “I’m tainted. I think we can all see the result of my six hundred years.”

“No!” My voice quivers as my lips tremble so badly it spreads to my cheeks. “You don’t get to walk away, you don’t get to leave me again! I spent the last month going through hell to save you, and now that you’re well I’m not about to give up. We’re meant for each other, you said it yourself! We’re just experiencing a temporary setback, that’s all. But if we can just put our heads together, I know we’ll think of a way to...”

I stop, voice fading, seeing he’s already moved on, retreating to his bleak sorry world where he’s solely to blame. And I know it’s time to tell the rest of the story, the sorry, regretful parts I’d prefer to leave out. Maybe then he’ll see it differently, maybe then—

“There’s more,” I say, rushing ahead though I’ve no idea how to phrase what comes next. “So before you assume karma’s out to get you or whatever, you need to know something else, something I’m not exactly proud of, but still—”

Then I take a deep breath and tell him about my trips to Summerland—that magical dimension between the dimensions where I learned how to go back in time—and that given the choice between my family and him—I chose them. Convinced I could somehow restore the future I was sure had been stolen, and yet all it really amounted to was a lesson I already knew:

Sometimes destiny lies just outside of our reach.

I swallow hard and stare at the sand, reluctant to see Damen’s reaction when he looks into the eyes of the one who betrayed him.

But instead of getting mad or upset like I thought, he surrounds me with the most beautiful glowing white light—a light so comforting, so forgiving, so pure—it’s like the portal to Summerland—only better. So I close my eyes and surround him with light too, and when I open them again, we’re wrapped in the most beautiful warm hazy glow.

“You had no choice,” he says, voice gentle, gaze soothing, doing everything he can to ease all my shame. “Of course you chose your family. It was the right thing to do. I would’ve done the same—given the choice—”

I nod, shining his light even brighter and tacking on a telepathic embrace. Knowing it’s not nearly as comforting as the real thing but for now it’ll do. “I know about your family, I know everything, I saw it all—” He looks at me with eyes so dark and intense I force myself to continue. “You’re always so secretive about your past, where you came from, how you lived—and so one day, while I was in Summerland, I asked about you—and—well—your entire life story was revealed.”

I press my lips together and peer at him standing before me so silent and still. Sighing as he gazes into my eyes and telepathically traces his fingers along the curve of my cheek—creating an image so deliberate, so palpable, it almost seems real.

“I’m sorry,” he says, thumb mentally smoothing my chin. “I’m sorry I was so shut down and unwilling to share that I reduced you to that. But even though it happened a long time ago, it’s still something I prefer not to discuss.”

I nod, having no intention of pushing it. His witnessing his parents’ murder followed by years of abuse at the hands of the church is not a subject I intend to pursue.

“But there’s more,” I say, hoping I can maybe restore a little hope by sharing something else that I learned. “When I was watching your life unfold, at the end, Roman had killed you. But even though that seemed fated to happen, I still managed to save you.” I gaze at him, sensing he’s far from convinced and rushing ahead before I lose him completely. “I mean, yeah, maybe our fate is sometimes fixed and unchangeable, but there are other times when it’s shaped purely by the actions we take. So when I couldn’t save my family by going back in time, it’s only because that was a destiny that couldn’t be changed. Or as Riley said seconds before the second accident that took them again, ‘You can’t change the past, it just is.’ But when I found myself right back here in Laguna, and I was able to save you, well, I think it proves that the future isn’t always concrete, not everything is ruled solely by fate.”

“Maybe so.” He sighs, gaze fixed on mine. “But you can’t escape karma, Ever. It is what it is. It doesn’t judge, it’s neither good nor bad like most people think. It’s the result of all actions, positive and negative—a constant balancing of events—cause and effect—tit for tat—reaping and sowing—what goes around comes around.” He shrugs. “However you phrase it, it’s the same in the end. And as much as you’d like to think otherwise, that’s exactly what’s happening here. All actions cause a reaction. And this is where my actions have brought me.” He shakes his head. “All this time I told myself I turned you out of love—but now I see it was really out of selfishness—because I couldn’t be without you. That’s why this is happening now.”

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