But he was in there and I was not going away without seeing him.

Sucking in a breath and checking that the hallway was empty, I pressed on the handle and pushed in… and my breath immediately caught in my throat.

Good. Lord.

Rider…

Rider was naked, muscles bunching, veins throbbing, limbs tense. Rider was on his bed… on his bed with a slight black-haired girl prostrate at his crotch. Sucking enthusiastically at his length.

He was laid back on the mattress, his eyes squeezed shut, full lips slightly parted. And the girl… Urgh! The girl was without clothes, her small body tucked right between Rider’s legs, her big blue eyes hungry as she gorged on his flesh, her attention always on Rider’s face.

Past conversations ran through my head. You got a bitch pining for you somewhere, Rider? Letti had asked.

No. No bitch anywhere.

You want to be with someone you love, I said knowingly.

Rider shrugged. I can’t shake it. It was the way I was raised.

This was not right! This entire scene was so messed up. Rider wanted more for himself than this; he had told me so. Deserved to award himself with more than this act of desperation. He wanted to wait for someone he loved. That is you. He loves you. My mind tormented me with conflicting thoughts.

There was only one thing to do.

I stormed across the previously neat bedroom, now scattered with dirty clothes and empty liquor bottles, and pulled the plug on the deafening stereo.

I was still holding the stereo’s cord in my hand when Rider lifted his head off the mattress. He looked straight into my eyes, which widened in shock, before dulling back to their previously glazed state.

The girl on her knees tried to lift her head too, but Rider’s forceful hand kept her taking his fullness in her mouth.

She whimpered and began fighting against his hold.

Rider smirked.

I retched.

This was not the Rider I had come to know.

Dropping the cord, I walked toward the bed, collecting the girl’s small pink dress and high shoes as I went. Gripping Rider’s wrist, I heaved it back from the girl’s head and she broke away with a loud gasp.

She looked up at me with watering doe eyes. “Leave,” I ordered.

She did not hesitate. My goodness, she looked all of eighteen, perhaps nineteen at most. What was she doing in a place like this? With brothers too old and too… rough for a girl her size and age?

Rider shot to his feet, his manhood still erect and flat against his stomach. I averted my eyes. Men being nude was nothing new to me. The disciples would always be free of clothes in the sharings and I was used to ignoring their flesh; I would simply treat Rider in the same manner.

Rider’s bullet wound scar met my eyes. Grabbing the girl by her arm, he yanked her back. “Fuck off, Mae. Snow White here was sucking my cock. The bitch ain’t going nowhere.”

Snow White! Really? Vomit crept up my throat.

My stomach churned as I surveyed the girl. She was like me… in every single way: looks, height, frame.

Poor Rider.

As I pushed on Rider’s chest, he fell back to the bed with a grunt. Quickly scrambling to his feet, a murderous look formed his stern expression.

I turned to the girl again. “Leave. Right now. Leave and never come back. I will not ask again.”

The sound of soft feet padding on the hardwood floor graced my ears and the bedroom door slammed shut a few seconds later. I swerved round to confront Rider, who was now standing flush to my front, his chest panting hard, his teeth clenched as he stared me down.

“What. The. Fuck. Are. You. Doing?” He emphasized every word through gritted teeth.

I lifted my eyes to meet his and saw conflict swirling in their depths. He wanted me. I knew this look now. I knew what it meant. Lust was boiling up; I could see it in the way his lips tensed as he glared at me. I listed more: the way his fingers clenched, fighting the urge not to touch me… and the way his length was harder now than it ever was with the poor girl braced on her knees to take him in her mouth.

“Rider. Do not do this to yourself,” I begged in a quiet voice.

“Do what? Fuck? She was sucking my c**k real good ’til you busted in shooting it all to hell.”

“You do not believe in this kind of thing! This… mindless whoring is not you. You told me over and over how you wanted to be with someone you loved. It was the way you were raised. Just like me, remember?”

“Yeah,” he said breathlessly. His shoulders drooped and his brown eyes softened a touch. “The someone I love’s with someone else though. What the hell am I meant to do about that?”

“Rider…” I trailed off, not knowing what to say in response. He lifted his hand and stroked it down my hair, rubbing the black strands between his fingers. “I can’t deal with it, Mae. I can’t stand that you’re with him.” His low voice was broken and pained. My chest ached.

I reached for his hand and squeezed it in mine. “Rider… I love him.”

His head tipped back to the ceiling and his lips tensed under the cover of his short brown beard.

He released my hand. “And I love you, Mae,” he confided, voice hoarse. His chin lowered and he cupped my face in his large hands. “I f**kin’ love you. I can’t stop thinking about you. I drink to forget that you’re with him… in his room… fu—” He winced. “Hell, I can’t even think of it right now! I found that young bitch with Viking. I just wanted to forget you for a while. I don’t sleep. Can’t eat…”

“Rider, please. You are my best friend.”

“I don’t wanna be your f**kin’ ‘best friend’, Mae!”

“Rider…” I lowered my head as tears began dropping freely.

“No, Mae! We’d be so good together. We want the same things, believe the same things. Your future could be with me.”

“I am with Styx, Rider!”

“Fuck Styx!”

“No!” I pulled back from his embrace. “You will not speak of him in such a way! I love him, Rider. I love you too, but in a completely different way. Stop making this so difficult! I feel like I am being torn in two!”

“Difficult! DIFFICULT! You don’t know the meaning of the word! You stayed with me for weeks. Just you and me. You talked to me about everything: your faith, your worries, your hopes. You laughed with me, fell asleep with me, f**kin’ RODE ON THE BACK OF MY BIKE! You were mine first, Mae. Not his! MINE!”